Since the death of our friend Mike, Man-child has become this whole other person. He challenges me with EVERYTHING. He argues, he yells, he rolls his eyes, and a whole lot of other stuff that I have been trying to figure out. Every one said "he is just smelling himself", " he'll grow out of it", "boys are like that", and a lot other cliches that I hate. Yet, despite it all, I knew something was not the same with my son and I DO NOT LIKE IT. We tried the counseling thing with no success, and a couple of Elders from church even noticed that he was different and tried to talk to him. Man-child said "I am sick and tired of everyone talking to me. I just want to be left alone". With that I noticed that he wasn't going outside and spending time with his friends, he was becoming more secretive and spending more time on the computer. Of course I checked and double checked everything that he was doing. I DON'T LIKE IT.
Today, in church, our first lady, Min. Anita Phillips, who tends to set the church on fire, delivered a message that has been with me all day - well at least a part of it. She took us to Genesis 3:6 when Adam and Eve bit from the apple from the Tree of Knowledge and they realized that they were naked. They sewed together fig leaves to cover their nakedness. She went on to discuss the fig tree, a small fruit with huge leaves used to cover or hide truth or things that we do not want to see or deal with. Min. Anita talked about being fruitful and accepting change. She also reminded us that in order to move forward we have to see the vision, see what is ahead and to stop looking over our shoulders because we tend to lose focus and as a result we lose the blessing. She gave many references of the role of the fig tree and the leaves that tend to used to cover things.
So you ask, what did I get out of that lesson (which I am sure I paraphrased badly) and what is my point. Why am I trying to fig-ure out what is wrong with Man-child? Am I looking for a problem or am I trying to hide from the fact that my son is growing up. Am I covering up something that really isn't a problem at all? I fig-ured out what my problem was with Man-child. I lost FAITH. I saw something in my son and I became scared. Like Adam and Eve, I covered or masked my fear and flipped it all on Man-child. I wanted to Find a problem so that I coudl fix it - fix him. But he said it best " Nothing is wrong - I just want to be left alone". I went back and read all of the references First Lady gave regarding the Fig tree and how it has been used to cover and mask things. Yes, Man-child is argumentive and he challenges me but my son is growing and I think that this is his way of doing it since he does not have that male role model that he once had. I am so caught up in the who is was and not who is becoming - A Young Man. Yeah, it still scares me but I have to restore my FAITH in my son. I also have to keep a clear vision on what is ahead because I know that it will be AWESOME. I can not look back at who he was because he is no longer my little boy.