Raising Man-Child

Giving Thanks

2012-01-24T21:32:00.003-05:00

Looking back on theyear 2011, it has been interesting. I struggledwith caring for my brother, who was shot in February; taking a new job with a 12%pay cut, furlough days, threat of foreclosure on my house, babysitting for my niece EVERY weekend; andfinally, losing my car. Despite it all,I gave Thanks to The Creator; I am Grateful for what I was have; and I have counted myBlessings as I managed to overcome it all and kept it moving. Most of all I am Thankful and very Proud ofmy Man-child.

With everythingI’ve had to endure, Man-child has quietly been my rock. I remember coming home exhaustedafter visiting my brother and talking with doctors. Man-child would rub my back and he always hada cup of tea waiting for me. He nevercomplained when I told him I could not afford a few dollars for a movie or gamethat he wanted. He helps with my nieces’kids, even though they get in his things. We walks 6 blocks to the grocery store with me and he doesn't complain when wehave extra bags to carry home. He haseven learned how to go to the grocery store by himself with a list and geteverything I ask for (with a few things for himself on the side). Man-child has learned how to go to the bankand make deposits into my account and how to pay bills. He doesn't complain when I have him do things over and over again. He has defiantly been my every thing.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into amother of one of his friends. I had notseen her or her son in at least 2 years. When I asked her how her son was doing, she said he was in jail for beatinga man over a cigarette. We talked and Itried to be as encouraging as I could. Iwished her well and told her I would pray for her and her son. As I walked home, I thought about Man-childand how Grateful and Blessed I am to have such a wonderful young man. When I got in thehouse, I hugged and kissed him just because.

I don't know what 2012 has in store for us. I continue to walk in Faith, count my Blessing and Give Thanks for my son.

Controlling Temperatures

2011-11-05T08:49:00.003-04:00

Fall has officially arrived. I love the colors of the leaves and the cool temperature. I am discovering that the cool temperature in the house is causing some problems for the Man-child and I.

I love to open the windows and let the “air” in. He says it’s too cold. In trying to keep the cost of the electric bill down, I have not turned on the furnace and I generally keep the thermostat set to 68 degrees. Since mid-October, Man-child walks around the house with his hoody jacket –zipped up to his neck. For me it is not cold at all – but then I have been having periodic “private summers,” so I am unaware of when it is too cold. Well, yesterday, I finally broke down and turned the furnace on because the thermostat read 62 degrees. After half an hour, I was hot. He was smiling. After an hour, I turned on the ceiling fan. He took off his jacket and was smiling even harder. Man-child said “Ma, its only 68 degrees”. Woo hoo - that was my signal to shut it down. He huff and puffed and put his jacket on. I had the ceiling fan blowing.

Who is right? It’s going to be a long winter.

Man-child's Hair

2011-09-22T19:54:00.002-04:00

I have been wearing locs for close to ten years and inJanuary, I decided to cut them. As thetemperature increased during the summer, I cut it close – practicallybald. Everyone complained or hadsomething to say but I was happy and that’s all that mattered.

Since cutting my hair, I have notice Man-child’s strangehair care routine. Man-child goes tothe barber every two weeks for a haircut. Whenever he gets a haircut, he stops in the beauty outlet store and buysa new hair brush and doo-rage for his head. I never really paid this any attention until I went in his room toborrow a brush for my hair. Man-childhad at least 12 hair brushes on his night table – hard and soft brushes. I asked “why do you needed so many”? His response was they get old after awhile. Hmmmmm. Next, I noticed all the different types ofgels he has purchase –wave gel, moisture cream, green tea oil, jasmine oil,shea butter cream and a few others. Iasked “what’s up with all the gels?” Hesaid to help make his hair wavy. Hmmmmmmm. Next question – “whydo you need all of these scarves for your head?” His response, “they are not scarves, they aredoo-rags to help me get waves". I countedat least 15 in different colors. Lastquestion - “Well, why do you keep buying them? Can’t you just wash themout?” (I think I insulted him with thisone) He said very loudly, “Ma, you can’t wash them because they lose their shapeand don’t fit right”. I just backed outof his room and said no more.

Man-child begins his morning by brushing his hair at least30 times, he puts some cream or gel in his hands and rubs it in his hair andthen he brushed it again at least 30 more times. After getting dress, hebrushes his hair. He eats breakfast andbrushes his hair. I watched him walk tothe subway station and he did it again – took the brush from his pocket andbrushed his hair. Later that evening, Iasked him to take Rosa for a walk. Therehe was – holding the lease with Rosa in one hand and brushing his hair with theother. After he took a shower, he stoodin the mirror drying his head with the towel and the routine started all overagain – gel and brushing.

I laughed out loud as I thought about his hair routine incomparison to what women do – rollers, scarves, gels, blow dryers, hair pinsand who knows what else. Since cuttingmy hair, I hardly think of it. I get itcut every two- three weeks, brush it and go. All I could think of is – What Next for Man-child And Laugh.

Now That The Summer Is Over.....

2011-09-07T21:40:00.001-04:00

I have been sitting at my desk, watching the rain fall,listening to the thunder and thinking about the past three months. It has been rough but it has been that wayfor everyone. Everyone is complainingabout being over worked, loss of and lack of money, and a million of otherthings. I must admit, I was doing thesame thing. I started the summer with alot of optimism but half way through it, I became depressed thinking of all thethings I needed and wanted to do but could not. In the midst of it all, Man-child helped me to see the brighter side toit all.

Man-child completed last school year with an overall GPA of86.8 and I wanted to do something special with and for him this summer. He started the summer with a part-time jobthat suddenly ended. I was more upsetabout it than he was. I did not want himsitting at home in front of the computer all day and I could not afford to justgive him money to do the things he wanted all of the time. Instead, Man-child was my all-around-helper. He went to the market with his grandmotherand her friends (all over 68 yrs old) and helped them with shopping andcarrying bags; he baby sat for his cousins (my niece has 3 kids ages 7, 4 and 3and they are true Rugrats); he accompanied my brother to his medicalappointments so I would not have to take off from work; and he proved that heis a very good handy man around the house. Man- child did all of this without complaining or asking to berewarded. I treated him to a game or two(when I could afford them) or special trips to his favorite restaurant. He did not complain when his computerdied. I began stressed trying to findmoney to get him a new one but he stated that he was fine using my laptop. In fact, since we have been sharing the onecomputer it works much faster than before. Despite all of this, I was depressed because I wanted him to have fun andbe able to do things like his friends and go places. One day, Man-child said “Ma, don’t stress – I’m just glad I can help.”

I thought about what he said for a few days and I realizedthat my son was no longer my Man-child. He has managed to mature and grow up while I was stressing over thecancelled vacations, the things I could not buy and the money I did not have. He managed to be helpful and somehow have fun this summer while I justcaused more gray hair to appear (well actually, I cut all of my hair again).

School is back insession and things are just about back to normal -he forgets his lunch money,forgets to charge his phone, he gets up half hour early to finish homework andall the other stuff I have grown accustom to during the school year. I realizenow that Man-child is more of a Man than I realize. I, Thank God for that Blessing.

Preparing For The Summer

2011-05-24T22:37:00.000-04:00

The school year is winding down very quickly. I am listening to everyone talk about their vacation plans. NOT ME!! With furlough days, rising gas and food prices, house repairs, increase medical cost, and a change in jobs have left me wondering just how we are going to make it. In addition, the car is on its final leg and I have had to get rental car for trips over 5 miles from the house for the last month. Instead of crying, like I want to do, I just take a deep breaths and start planning.

First, in June, Man-child will go Harvard University with his mentoring group. I am thinking of traveling to Hershey Park, in Hershey Pennsylvania cause we haven't been there since he was 6 years old. In July, I always attend the Harlem Book Festival. This is a trip that I usually take by myself but Man-child went last year and had a great time. I was just as suprised when he asked to go this year so I may try to stretch this trip for the entire weekend. In August, I thought about Ocean City, Maryland but Man-child hates the beach. I also thought that this trip may be costly since I have to start back-to-school shopping and preparing for his junior year. I am also saving money for a weekend excusion in September with a sistah friend to celebrate her birthday.

In between all of this, Man-child has been accepted to attend the Community College of Baltimore and we are waiting to hear from Johns Hopkins Engineering program. I am also holding the applications for two summer jobs for him. No matter which program, he will benefit and keep those brain cells active.

I have FAITH that this will be a great summer for both of us. I will probably also look for a part-time job for myself (I know, how am I going to fit it in but I will) along with clipping coupons and cutting back as much as I possibly can. Keep us lifted in Prayer and we'll be Praying for you too!

Man-child And The Wine Coolers

2011-05-16T23:44:00.001-04:00

When ever I attend a book signing or conference, I have wonderful time. I love meeting my Sistah friends from across the country and discussing books. I was even more excited that the Romance Slam Jam was in my home town and everyone finally was able to meet Man-child.

When I came home, I was still giggleing just thinking of all the fun we had. But, something was not right. You know that feeling you get that something happened and no one wants to tell you. I looked around the house and I could not figure it out. After the second day, I went to the closet to get an umbrella and I found it. Five wine coolers were missing. At first, I thought my nephew was here and he took them. Or maybe my mom - but she would not drink five. Hmmmmmm.... I go into Man-child's room and said "Hey, do you know who took my wine coolers?" He started to grin like the cat who just caught the last mouse. BUSTED!! He did not have to say anything else. Then he started to stutter and before he could form a lie, I told him to button his lips.

At first, I laughed. I could not believe that my silly child not only took them but he could not hide the fact that he drank them. I could not be too mad because I remember when I drank half a bottle of my mom's wine when I was 16 years old and refilled the bottle with Sprite. I think my brothers got that whipping.

After being mad and venting on line with my sistah friends, I had to think of a punishment. First, I made him call one of my sistah friends, Donnie, who laid him out for twenty minutes; I took his cell phone for two weeks; I told him that he had to wait another month before he gets his driver's permit and finally, I made him attend an AA meeting at the church. He was so mad he actually turned RED. I told him that anything could have happened to him if he was outside of the house. He said, " I wasn't drunk they just made me sleepy". DUH -cause you were drunk. We talked about relatives with drinking problems and other dangers of drinking.

Well, after the AA meeting, I got the silent treatment and he refused to eat dinner for three nights. I said nothing. I am just breathing until the next episode.

Man-child and RSJ

2011-05-02T22:43:00.000-04:00

This year the Romance Slam Jam (RSJ) was held in my home town of Baltimore. Like every year, I was excited to see all of my friends and favorite romance authors. I decided that since everyone was in town, I had to bring Man-child. I have talked about him so much, I thought it was time for everyone to see the Love of My Life and Pain in My Side.

When I told him he was going to attend the luncheon, he said nothing. Man-child has been to many book signings and events with me. He asked "Are all your friends going to kiss me?" I told him that they probably would. The closer we got to the date, he also seemed to get excited. He must have asked me three times what he should wear. I finally picked out an outfit for him.

When Man-child arrived, he was all SMILES. He hugged everyone and he listened to them very closely. You would have thought he was a celebrity the way everyone began taking pictures.

He also liked meeting Cedric Bolton, Gwyneth Bolton's husband, who talked to him about college and differnt programs. During the Mega Book signing he found a book by B.A.Binns titled Pull and had it autographed.

The conference was wonderful and having Man-child spend one day with me made it even more special.

My Maturing Man-Child

2011-04-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

In late February, my family had to deal with another tragedy - my brother, Sam, had been shot. As head of my household and then head of my Family, I was overwhelmed and consumed with everything. I found myself on automatic pilot and did what needed to be done - organize other family members, talked to doctors, completed medical forms, talked to police detectives and social workers, and the list continued. All of this took place on the first day. I was so tired I could not see straight let alone gather my thoughts. Then, I realized late in the evening that I completely forgot about my son. I did not know whether I remembered to give him lunch money, or if he even ate dinner. I felt ashamed. I remember sitting at my Mom's dinning room table, with everyone asking questions about my brother. I asked "Where is Geoff"? No one knew. I asked again but everyone was talking and questioning my about my brother. I remember holding my head in my hands and my son giving me a kiss on my cheek and handing me a cup of peppermint tea. At that moment I felt better.

As the days went on and I continued to care for my brother, I noticed my son. I did not have to remind him to do his laundry or take out the trash. Several nights when I got in late, he would have the tea kettle on and my mug ready for me to make tea. A few times he would put something in my lunch container. I began to wonder -When did this happen? Is this my son? WOW!!

My son is maturing.

Being Sick and Caring For Man-Child

2011-02-21T16:28:00.000-05:00

There are times when I enjoy being sick. I can lay in bed, sleep and let the TV watch me. Then, there are times when I am home with Man-child and I just want to leave.

Late, Saturday I began to feel sick. I took some Therafu and called it a night. By Sunday, I really felt aweful. All I wanted to do was dream sweet dreams. By noon, Man-child got in bed with me and reminded me that I didn't cook breakfast. I told him that he was on his own for the day. When he did not move, I knew I was in trouble. Usually on the weekends, I cook a couple of different things that can last should last a few days. But with Mr. Eat-It-All-Cause-Tomorrow-Is-A-New-Day doesn't see it that way. He had already ate the Pizza cassarole I made on Friday (Thanking my sistah Sharon for that recipe), the last pieced of fish I fried and the salad. I told him to fix what ever.

At 2 pm, Man-child shakes me from a sound sleep and asks "how do I make macaroni?" Then he says, Never mind. Twenty minutes later, he asks "can I fix the tuna fish?" Again, I tell him to fix what ever he wants or go to his Grandmother. He said "she made meat loaf and I don't want any".. Well, you are not hungry.

At 3 pm, Man-child says "Hey Ma, can I grill those chicken breast?" Again, I say don't care. Then he says " well, where is the grill?" In the closet. Then he ask "What do I put on it?" Geoffrey... look in the cabinet. It gets quiet. I get up and go to the kitchen. He is standing there looking silly. The sink is full of dirty dishes from cereal, hamburgers, noodles, tuna fish and what ever else he has tried to cook. I tell him to clean the kitchen and I will fix him something to eat.

After three hours, I was able to fix him grilled chicken, rice with gravy, greens. I also made pasta salad for later and salmon cakes that he could place on the grill. Feeling exhausted, I crawled back to bed. Then, Man-child comes in the room and tells me that his friend LT invited him to dinner and he'll be back in a few hours. All I could do was rub my head and pull the covers up.

Man-child's Valentine

2011-02-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

I knew it would happen sooner or later.
Man-child has a girl friend.
INHALE.... BREATH!!

One weeks ago, we were shopping and he asked if he could pick something out for her as a gift. Well, Man-child picked up a teddy bear that cost $30 and a $20 box of candy. Problem - He only had $10. BREATH!!! Very delicately, I say, "This is an expensive gift. Let's go back and find something that you can afford" He rolled his eyes and I inhaled. We finally found a very nice box of candy with a teddy bear attached to it for $12.

This past weekend, his Dad BLESSED him with money to take his girlfriend to the movies. (I had to do a Hallelujah Dance) I listened as they worked out their plans. Man-child said "MOM, she is going to come over here and you can drive us to the movies". Problem - Man-child, you don't tell me what I am doing. You are suppposed to ask. INHALE... Once she arrives, we get in the car and he begins to send her text messages on the phone. HECK NO... TALK .. I dont' care what y'all are talking about (well, at least that's what I said out loud) I asked them what movie were they going to see. Both said "we don't know". Silence.

This was very awkward for me. Seeing him smile so much that his cheeks turned red. He changed his shirt at least four times, combed his hair, put polish on his sneakers (yep) and brushed his hair a minimum of six times. I am thinking "Dayummmm ...is this what it's going to be like".

Inhale .. Breath.. Inhale.. Breath

Once we get to the mall, we stopped to see my cousin, who was promoting his new CD's for kids. Really, it was just my attempt to hang out a little while longer with them. I reminded Man-child that they were to remain at the mall, eat, see their movie and call me to come back to pick them up. He huffed and said I embarassed him -but I didn't care.

As I drove home, I thought about my son on his first date. Some would argue with me that 15 is too young to be dating. TRUE.. but I would rather take them then to have them sneaking around. I've watched too many of my friends SCREAM and HOLLER at their kids about dating. Unfortuneately, a lot of them have teenagers with kids. I also remembered some of the things I did at that age. GEESH!!!

I sat at home - half reading and watching the clock. As soon as the phone rang at 7 pm I was already in my coat and out the door. When I picked them up, they said the movie was "Good" and were silent again. I drove her home and I watched him walk her to the door. I laughed because he was trying to figure out if I was watching them and he began to whisper in her ear. (I think his attempt to get a kiss) When he got in the car, he said nothing and I just drove home.

These next few years are going to be difficult for me because I realized that minute that I am no longer the #1 Girl in my son's life. At least for now.

Inhale... Breath

Snow Days

2011-01-29T14:15:00.000-05:00

I have been in the house since January 25, 2011 thanks to the weather man. He started the week by stating we would get a dusting of snow, to 1 inch of snow, and finally 2-3 inches of snow. Well, we got more. I wasn't upset. After all what better way to celebrate your birthday - in the house on a snow day. Not just one day, I was Blessed with 3 whole days of bliss - oh, so I thought. I spent 3 days home with my Man-child.

Being home with Man-child on the first day was ok. He shoveled the snow, I cooked, and then we went to our corners (bedroom) and left each other alone. By day 2, the problem begins. He begins to eat every 2 hours. Just as I reached for the last slice of devil's food cake, he takes it. All of the kool-aid is gone, my snack crackers and chips. Then, he starts to eat the healthy food - yogurt, carrot sticks, salad, fruit cups and the rice cakes. I just smile and reason that being in the house is a good thing.

Later in the evening, here comes Man-child with a question "Do you know what I can do?" Well, it's snowing again. I tell him you can go out and shovel, go visit your friends or you can invite someone over for a few hours. He just looks at me and walks away. Then he starts pacing the floor like a caged animal. So I tell him - "why don't you do your laundry, clean your room or walk the dog". He looks at me like I grew another head. In the meantime, I am relaxed with not a care in the world.

Day 3 begins to get to me. He jumps in bed with me. Whew.. . "When was the last time you took a shower?" He looks at me like I am crazy and says "I'm not going any where". True - but we have to live here. Then he wants to lie his head in my lap and watch TV. All I want to do is read. I tell him -go get the playing cards. He doesn't want to do that. So I tell him - show me again how to play guitar wars -he says no because I still can't hold the guitar right. So I asked to play something else and he gives me 10 reasons why I can't play (and I hate to admit it, he was right on all counts). OK.. let's get dressed and go to the mall or movies. He doesn't want to do that either. Now, I am truely sick and frustrated. I go back to my room and say the Heck with it - I tried.

Today is Saturday. I am watching him eat and talk on the telephone. As much as I love snow days, I don't ever want to be in house with him this long again. Pray I make it throught the rest of the weekend.

Back to Normal - I Think

2011-01-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

2010 was a very difficult year for me. It began with the tragic death of my brother and it simply seemed to spirial down ward. I had to handle all of my brother's affairs, lost my part-time job, furlough days with the full-time job, crazy debt collectors calling, fighting to keep my house out of foreclosure, house repairs, keeping track of my Mom's medications and appointments, needy relatives, work drama, being turned down for six jobs, weight gain, and sooo much more. I was on the verge of losing it mentally, physically and spiritually. For me, I often take on projects that take my mind off of my problems. Even more, I was concerned about the affects it all had on Man-child. Despite it all, he made the honor roll and has been his regular self.

2011 has gotten off to a mild start. I am still job hunting -for both full and part-time jobs. I took the plunge and cut my hair. How is Man-child? OK. His room is a mess, he refuses to cut his hair and I am usually receive one word answers to all questions asked. I generally have learned to back off unless it is absolutley necessary. He keeps quiet but I've noticed that when I am upset or agitated with someone, mainly family, he speaks up and manages to get between me and the problem (person). Hmmmmmmmm.....

We are already more that 20 days into the new year. I don't know where or what will happen. My Faith is strengthen and I am sort of rejuvenated. Back to normal we go - I think. :-)

Man-child and the Lie Part II

2010-12-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

Once I got home from dropping Man-child off, I was angry. I thought I should have stayed and just made his night terrible. Instead, I sat home watching the clock. I kept going over the conversation in my head and I could not believe he tried to pull a quick on me. But I wanted to be ready to to meet this girl's momma. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, changed my shirt, grabbed the short jacket and scarf and I jumped in the car.

A trip that usually takes thirty minutes I think only took me twenty minutes. I parked the car in front of the threatre to make sure I would not miss them coming out (and you know I was a little ticked off with that security guard who kept telling me to move my car). Man-child and Olympus walked out of the threatre holding hands. Pleeasssse. When he noticed the car he came running with this big grin on his face and said "Ma, Imma catch the subway with Olympus and her friend". That's when I noticed the other girl. Where did she come from. I told Man-child "Oh no, it's already 7:45 and by the time you get home it will be late. I don't mind taking your friends home. Get in NOW!!. Olympus says "My mother doesn't like for me to ride in cars with strangers so I'll catch the subway". I am sitting there thinking "Who the Hell do you think you are fooling?" I gave her my cell phone and said " Sweetie, call you MOM and let me talk to her cause it's really not a problem and I want to make sure you are safe". By this time Man-child is looking worried and the other girl was looking in the sky for a miracle.

Olympus called her Mom. I told her that I was at the threatre and I would bring her home since it was late. The Mom said "Thank you but she can get the subway home. I'll have her step-dad pick her up at the last stop". Again, I told her that it was cold and it was really no problem. She insisted that I take her daughter to the subway. I said ok. I drove them to a subway station - not the one around the corner cause I still was not satisfied - I wanted some answers. The other young lady was her friend, Angel, who just happened to be there with someone else and decided to go home with Olympus. Hmmmmmmmm....... No one said anything in the car. When we got to the subway station, Man-child walked them to the entrance and gave Olympus a hug. YUCK!!

When we got home, Man-child was so happy. I just looked at him. I asked him "I wonder why I could not take her home? Don't you think that is strange?" He just said "I don't want to get mixed up in their family business". Well what in the hell is that supposed to mean?? I sat Man-child down and told him " You have to be careful who you choose to get involved with. This doesn't sound or appear right at all. And before you decided to go on anymore dates, or whatever you want to call you better check out the parents, brothers, sisters, friends and anybody else they know. And the next time something like this occurs, it will NOT be Pretty". He just gave me a hug and said "I sorry".. Yeah right, until next time.

Man-child and the Lie Part 1

2010-12-04T18:11:00.000-05:00

I always know when Man-child is up to something - he volunteers to do things. This morning after he helped my mom and her friends at the market, he raked 6 bags of leaves, gave Rosa a bath, and cleaned the bathroom. I am just waiting ....

The phone rings and he takes it into his room. BINGO!!!! After ten minutes, he comes out of his room, gives me hug and says "Hey Ma, need me to do anything else". Without looking at him I said "spill it". Pay attention to this conversation.....

"Well, if it's ok - I wanted to go to the movies with my friends"

"What friends, Geoff?

"Oh, You don't them".

"Why don't I know them? How do you know them and what movies are you going to?"

"The one in Owings Mills to see Harry Potter. We were going to catch the subway".

"So, how many is we and who are you going with?"

"Ummmm, well I was going to meet Olympus at the movies".

"I thought you said it was a few kids going. Now it's just you and Olympus?!!

"Well, I am not really sure if they can all go but Olympus called and said she can go".

"So, how did we get from a bunch of kids to just one? what makes you think you can go on a date.

"It's not a date .. I just told her we could go to the movies for her birthday".

"If it's not a date, then what do you call it? And why hasn't her mother called to talk to me?"

Ok... so now my dandruff is up. Did he really think I was born yesterday. After went over his story again, He confessed that he promised to take her to the movies. There were others kids that were going to go but now they can't. So, what made him think I was going to allow him to go. After giving him the evil eye, I had to really yell at Man-child. First, don't ever give me Half-truths, don't make plans unless you check with me first, and don't make promises you can't keep.

Brrrrinnnnggggg.. Phone call for Geoff. Miss Olympus is at the theatre waiting for him. I really wanted to tell the young lady to GO HOME. I drove him to the theatre. Olympus said her mother knew she was meeting him at the movie theatre and she was to go directly home after it ended. Well... she certainly will .. cause I'll be at the movies waiting when it lets out so that I can take her home and meet this Momma.

Man-Child Is Going To KILL ME, But.....

2010-11-17T14:02:00.001-05:00

This past weekend, I was not feeling well. Everything just seemed to be weighing very heavily on my shoulders. I decided to stay in and do nothing. I had a few errands to do and finally forced myself to get up in the afternoon. Man-child went with me.

Once I got out of the house and some fresh air in my lungs, I felt a little better. Man-child made me laugh and reminded me of how much fun we sometimes have together. After eating our take-out food, we got settled for a night in front of the TV. While sitting on the bed, man-child asked me why was the skin peeling on his feet. My response, "you probably have athlete's feet". After going going back and forth, I ended giving my son a pedicure. That's right.. he got my foot messager from the closet, we soaked his feet, scrubbed, trimmed his nails... he got the works. Next, he asked how could he get rid of the black heads on his face. In the bathroom I go and I get the face mask scub. I covered his face and told him to leave it on for 20 minutes then wash his face.

While he is sitting there, my mom comes in to the room and fell on the floor laughing. There was Man-child with his feet soaking with coconut face scrub on his face. I had to admit .. It was Funny. After we lotioned his feet, washed the mask from his face and I cut the hair on the back of his neck, he went back to his computer and I picked up a book.

Just goes to show, I don't need a daughter. Don't tell him I told ya :-)

The Evolution of Man-Child

2010-11-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, Man-child told me that he wanted to attend his Sophmore Ball. Well, he has never shown any interest in attending anything like this. I thought "My child's a nerd, he'll never want to do that". There I was with egg on my face. Then, I almost had a stroke when he said, very proudly with his chest up high, "I already have a date". WHAT.... A date???? First, he just turned 15- what makes him think he is ready to date. Ok.. so now I am huffin' and puffin' and working myself up. After I can down about 20 notches, I realized it's just a dance in the school.

Next, I go up to the school to check her out. I should be ashamed but I am not. The young lady was very polite and cute. My heart is still beating fast. I am just not sure I am ready for this yet. I mean - "Man-child dating". I never thought about it. That is when I began to notice the change or evolution in Man-child.

For the last three weeks, Man-child has been doing exercises in the morning and at night. He spent his money on leg weights and he wears them around the house. He has been brushing his teeth and now he takes a toothbrush with him to school. Man-child has started to comb the peach fuzz on his chin. The boy ironed his shirt three days straight (the pants were still wrinkled though). Could all of this be becuase of his DATE and The Dance. Hmmmmm..... What put the icing on the cake was when he asked me what type of bouquet he should get. HOLD UP.. WAIT A MINUTE .. it is just a dance right?. Do you even buy them for dances?

Then I thought about it. And I thought about it. Ok...this is a new side of my child. As my sistah friend, Dee, reminded me "He is now MORE MAN than CHILD". How the HECK did that happen. On the surface and in my heart, I am not ready for this new level of maturity or what ever you want to call it. I still see my baby. I guess I always will. Yet, I am excited about where this new step will take us. But for now, y'all please don't go too far cause I really need a lot of shoulders to keep me up right now. :-)

Right To Privacy

2010-10-16T22:04:00.001-04:00

A few days ago, I was listening to the Michael Baisden show on the radio. The topic was "How much privacy should you allow your kids to have". I was surprised at a lot of the responses from kids and parents. Many of the kids threatened their parents -"they better not touch my touch". Parents who said they only looked at things that were left out or open. Hmmmmmm.... Michael Baisden asked "if it were a matter of life and death would you search your child's room". Again, the responses were varied and they were out there.

Well, let me say this.. I go thru Man-child's room, his back-pack, his closet, the dresser, and under the bed. I read his text messages on his phone. I go thru the history on his computer to see the sites he visits. I also discuss everything I find with him and the reason why I continue to do so.

If you don't know what your child is doing, how can you complain when they do something you don't agree with. I asked Man-child what he thought about me going thru his things and he said "that's what parents are supposed to do". When I asked him to explain "he said that some kids lie to their parents and the parents have to know what their kid is doing". When I asked him if it bothered him, he just hunched his shoulders.

What do you think?

A New Level of Maturity

2010-10-12T22:10:00.001-04:00

Two weeks ago, during the Welcome Back-To-School Night, the parents were told that the sophmore class was planning to have a Mardi Gras Ball in November. I thought how exciting this was going to be - but then - Man-child doesn't like to dance. So, I wasn't going to get my hopes up too high.

The next day, he said that he thought about it and he wanted to go. "OH BOY" I shouted internally. I asked him if he thought about a costume. He said he was going to ask his DATE. I froze. Who said anything about a date. He looked at me and said "I know you think I shouldn't take a date but Ma, I'll be 15 soon and it's just a dance in the school cafeteria". In my head, I am saying "And you are still too young to date - I don't care if it is in the cafeteria". I could feel my heart beating and my pressure going up. Man-child said "Ma, it's not a big deal. Nobody will probably want to go with me anyway". Well, what is that supposed to mean "As handsome as you are, they should be asking you". Then I realized, I need to get a grip on things. BREATH...and BREATH again.

I asked him his date's name. Her name is Olympus. So, I made a trip to the school on my day off to check this girl out. I did not tell him that I was coming to the school because he would have died. After taking with the principal and his advisor, I decided to leave and just come up with another way to meet her. As the students began to change classes, I saw Man-child walking with two girls and another boy. Man-child just gave me that head nod thing and said "Hey Ma" and I just waved. As they walked away, one of the girls turned and said "Hi, My name is Karen and this is Olympus". I smiled and said "Hello". Both girls giggled and walked away. They were very attractive. Olympus was about my height with short hair and Karen was tall with blond streaks in her hair. Man-child continued to ignore me and went to class. The principal laughed and said "Your son is maturing very nicely and the kids in his class really look up to him". WOW.... two revelations in one day. I think I can Breath a little until the next adventure.

Mother-Son Dance

2010-10-04T21:19:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, October 2, 2010, the Urban Leadership Institute along with the Raising Him Alone Organization sponsored their first Mother-Son Dance. I was soooo excited and I told everybody about the event. I did not tell Man-child until a few days before the event. I thought "why tell him and he starts whinning about not attending. I went out looking for something that we could wear. I knew I could not dress us in the same outfit but I thought maybe something similar colors- but then, I thought "if i walk in that house with matching anything, he is not going to go".

To get ready for the dance, I tried to teach Man-child how to hand dance (you know like in the R. Kelly Stepping video). Well, Man-child has NO RHYTHM. A gene he inherited from his father. Next, I moved on to line dances - I figured everybody could do those. NOPE. Man-child definately has two left feet. At this point, I figured we would just go and have a great time.

When we arrived I got nervous. Man-child wanted to know what was on the menu. As we entered the ballroom, all we saw were boys under the age of 10 dancing with their mothers. Now I was worried. I looked at Man-child and said "ok we'll only stay for a little while". He just gave me that look. As we walked around, we found a table with two boys that were his age (Boy, I let out a big breath).

The ball started with the first dance to Boy II Men's song Momma. All of the mothers and sons was smiling. Some mothers were surrounded by two or more boys. You could feel the love and joy in the room. A few mothers cried. It was amazing. After lunch, chicken, wild rice and mixed veggies, the fun began. There was a dance contest for both the mothers and son. A 63 year old grandmother won the dance contest (she really put the younger mother's to shame) and her prized was a day spa gift package. They had a raffle for the boys - two autographed footballs from Baltimore Raven Ray Lewis.

Iyanla Vanzant was the guest speaker but due to an emergency, she could not make it. Instead, a sportcaster for the New York Jets, Brian (I can't remember his last name)talked of his upbring by a single mom and grandmother. He encouraged the boys to hold their heads up high no matter what they decide to do. He also told them to "Spread the word across the nation because they are part of a great generation". It was very moving.

After all of the speeches, it was time to dance and have fun. Man-child held my hand while I hand dance all around him. We laughed at his attempt to do the Cha-cha slide and Cupid Shuffle. Man-child could not do the electric slide - SAD -LOL. We had so much fun and I can't wait till next year. The only disappointment was a mistake that I made - I forgot to put the batteries in the camera - DUH!!! Even though I don't have pictures to share, the events of the day have been engraved in my heart forever.

The Conversation and the Demonstration

2010-09-12T21:11:00.000-04:00

Something Man-child and I never do is watch television together. I watch a couple reality shows, Turner Classics, plenty of reruns, and a few others. Man-child watches cartoon and anime specials.

A commerical comes on advertising bras. Man-child yells "Yuck - I hate these commericals". I tell him "it's no different than a swim suit". So he asks "why do they show that woman stuff on TV anyway".

Ok... I am looking at him like he is crazy. "What are you talking about?" He sits up and says "Mom, they put those tampon and other stuff like that on tv - I don't want to see it". Now I am really looking at him. "What's the big deal - they show all types of Commerials on tv - to keep people informed, choices in products, to get people to buy/sell stuff". Anyway, we go back and forth and getting no where.

Then, a condom commerical comes on. He gets quiet. Hmmmm... I ask him "do you know how to put on a condom?" He says "Who said I was having sex?" Hmmmmm.... He did not answer the question. I asked him again. He said "since I am not having sex, I don't need to know how to put it on". Wrong answer. I told him to get me a banana from the kitchen. When I got up, I went to my stash in the closet (prayed that they were still in good condition). When he came back, I took the banana (we did not have a cucumber) and started to show him how to roll it on. His face frowned up. "MA... That's nasty - why do you have Condoms - and How come you know how to use them!! "Boy please - would you rather learn from me or wrong from your friend and someone gets pregnant". He did not say anything. He just watched me (and the banana was not a good model) but he got the point.

He left the room and I just laughed. I never answered his questions either. Think he got the point :-)

Back To School 2010-2011

2010-09-09T20:34:00.000-04:00

Getting ready for school is always a challenge - school supplies, uniforms, shoes and hair cuts. Man-child, like all kids, was not excited or interested. The first day of school could have been considered a sit-com.

Man-child woke up at 6 am. He walked around the house like he never seen it before. After his shower, he turned on the computer and started checking email and his game stuff. I said nothing until 7:30 am - that's when the show began and I found my seat at the dining room table.

7:35 am - Ma, do you know where my uniform shirts are? You put them in your room

7:38 am - Ma, have you seen my hair brush? NO

7:42 am - Ma, do we have any extra tooth brush? What happen? I put mine on the bed and Rosa chewed it. (Rosa is our Mini-Doberman) Look in the closet

7:45 am - Ma, have you seen my belt? No, Geoff

7:46 am - Ma, I can't find my back pack! It was in your room

7:49 am - Ma, what time do I have to be at school this week? 8:30 Geoff

7:51 am - Ma, I burned my eggs can you make me something to eat? Never mind, I call the sub shop and order a sandwich.

7:55 am - Ma, do you know where my cell phone is? No
Never mind, I found it... OMG I forgot to charge it - can you pull it in while I finish getting dressed. Ok

8:02 am - Bye Ma, I am leaving

WHEW.... I was exhausted and all I did was sit at the table and watch. I only prayed the he got to school on time. It didn't matter that I spent week reminding him to get his things together. I didn't matter that I put things where he could find them but he rearranged them. I just hope that the rest of the school year gets better

Discipline

2010-08-22T16:24:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I was chatting on-line with some of my Sistah friends. Someone asked "How is Man-child?" Since school is going to open soon, I have been making him get up in the morning. One morning, he jumped in my face and asked "why I gotta keep getting up?" My response "Cause I said so". Before he could respond, I grabbed his woody and told him to act like he had some sense.

When I told this to my Sistah Friends, several of them got very upset and offended by my actions. A few thought it was creative. Hmmmmm..... Someone even thought it was cruel. Hmmmmmmm.... I listen (rather I read) to their comments before I decided to respond. Grabbing Man-child is not something that I do on a regular bases. I reacted and out of instinct, grabbed him where it would hurt to get his attention. Man-child is now 5'7" and still growing. I am 5'3". When he thinks he can stick his chest out and deepen his voice as a means to intimidate me, I react. I AM NOT THE ONE.

Finding ways to discipline a teen-age boy is NOT easy. Time -out is not an option and taking away his toys (gadgets) no longer work. (Athough, he did cry when I took away his laptop for week) My actions that day were to get his attention -By ANY MEANS NECESSARY. When his house work is not done, No one gets any sleep until it is done - we were up until 1 am until he cleaned the bathroom. Whether I do that again - Hmmmmmm - probably not. But, now he knows I am not afraid to go there to make my point. After all, as his Mother, I reserve the right to hit, smack, grab, laugh at, touch, hug and kiss him when ever I feel the need to do so. ( And I kiss him alot in front of his friends -LOL-is that considered cruel too)

So, if you have any suggestions for other forms of discipline, PLEASE let me know.

My Revelation Pt 2

2010-08-11T22:47:00.000-04:00

As the summer begins to wind down and everyone begins to prepare for back-to-school, I also begin to think of all the things Man-child and I did this summer. First, we were-strike that-I was excited about his summer job. Man-child thought the idea of working was insane. After his first week, he said it was ok. One point for me.

Second, I got a call from his school. He was selected to participate in an honors program that was being sponsored thru Johns Hopkins University. I thougt he would scream. Man-child just said "Ok". At the end of the program, he said it was Ok. Two points for me

Next, his mentoring group went to Atlanta. They toured Morehouse College, CNN and the Coca Cola company. Man-child refused to go but I put him on the bus. He liked it. He really liked Morehouse and when he came home, he started looking at colleges on the internet. Wow!! Three points for me.

Then, I went to NY for the Harlem Book Festival. He did not want to hang out with me and my "book club friends". Again, I put him on the bus. He really enjoyed himself. He liked Sonya Sanchez (he thought she was a rapper), Wes Moore and the graphic artist and authors. Another point for me.

My revelation - WHAT IN THE HECK WAS I WORRIED ABOUT? Raising my son has been difficult for me (I know - raising any child is difficult). Man-child and I do not have any thing in common and finding things to occupy his time is stressful. Despite his complaining and whining, he always manage to learn something or likes it. So, as I sit here watching him fold his laundry (he hasn't washed in two weeks and he has been walking around my house in his boxers- I've had enough, I realize that it has been a pretty good summer. Now, preparing for 10th grade - Ugggggg... get ready!!

My Revelation

2010-07-10T23:30:00.000-04:00

I was sooo excited about Man-child's summer job. He was hired to work with B. Green Caterers, a division of Martin's West. He was not excited. The first day of work, I decided to drive him. He jumped out of the car and he was off to work. As always, I was nervous all day. True to form, he made it home - said it was a'ight and nothing more.

Two days later, I received a call from his principal. Man-child scored relatively high on the city's standardized test and he was selected to participate in an Honors Program through Johns Hopkins University. WHAT!!! My mouth dropped. Of course he is going to participate. Then, I thought - DAYUMMM - I just gave him that speech on following through and not quitting. You know the one "it's important to finish what you start" and "once you commit to something, keep your word". I also wanted him to learn the value of earning money and the value of money. This was a difficult decision but no matter what, I knew I wanted him in that program. I asked my Sistah Friends and they all agreed - send him to Hopkins.

I was prepared to take him to dinner to discuss it but he decided to buy dinner on his way home from work. (That is sooo my son) After I told him about the program, he just said "Ok". "Ok What" I responded. He just said I'll go. NO argument, no question - nothing. An hour later, I asked him again if he was really ok with going to school. Man-child said "The job is ok but I know you really want me to be in this program and you are probably going to make me do it anyway. Besides, it maight be ok". WAS THAT MY CHILD.

I thought about it for a few days and I just had to let it go. Then my Sistah Friend, Edwina said "Girl, I think he is growing up". WOW... my Man-child is really growing up.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T22:14:00.000-04:00

Today is Father's Day. For me, it was just another day. It also brought a bit of sadness. First, I grew up without a dad and that is Okay. I had plenty of uncles who did things with my brothers and I; but, they were just my uncles. My father did not acknowledge me until I was about 12 years old and I would only see him once every year or so. I never called him dad and that was okay. He died on Mother's Day two-three years ago from Cancer.

I thought of Man-child. I can't describe his relationship with his dad. Since he was two years old, his dad picks him up on Friday, takes him to Burger King, then to visit his grandparents. They have never been to a ball game, the mall, a movie, had a sleep-over or what ever father and sons do. Though it angers the Heck out of me, I try to not to waste too much time on it because that is wasted energy. I need all the energy I can get to rise Man-child. Man-child called him tody to wish him Happy Father's Day and the conversation lasted 20 seconds. Secretly, I wish they had a better relationship but I've accepted it as it is.

Second, I listened, rather read, all of the banter on Face Book regarding Fathers and the lack thereof. There were shout outs for Dad, uncles and those who stand in for dads. There was yelling and angry agruments about good dads verus bad dad. Dead beat Dads and more. WOW!! I thought - how depressing and soo much wasted energy.

Third, I smiled when all of my Sistah Friends called or texted me to wish me Happy Father's Day. Afterall, as they all reminded me, I am doing double duty - Mom and Dad. Hmmmmmm..... They are right but it's not something that I am proud of. I never intended to be a single parent. After all these years, I am still not sure about it especially since I am raising a man child. There is so much that I can't teach him and that bothers and worries me alot. I look at my brothers who were also raised by single mom. I wonder how their lives could have been different if we had a dad around. Hmmmmmmm.....

Father's Day should be celebrated with the same Excitment as Mother's Day. I applaud All of the Fathers who are rising their children. I honor the part-time dads, the fill-in dads, the once-a-month dads, the dads that are incarcerated and try to be dads, the dads who want to but can't, and special accolades to All the MOMs, who effortlessly raise their children.

Father's Day will probably just be another day for me and that is okay. I have to be the best to raise my Man-child no matter what.

How Man-Child Spent Spring Break

2010-04-06T13:00:00.000-04:00

As always, I never look forward to Spring Break because I have to find extra grocery money. I try to plan little trips for Man-chld to do but as he gets older and work schedule permits, it gets harder each year.

This year, I planned to take a vacation without Man-child. The only problem-my vacation is a week after his. So, I decided that now would be the perfect time for him to start on his Service Learning Hours or Community Service. All high school students must complete 80 hours of Service learning hours in order to graduate. Man-child decided to go to The New Rogers Avenue Day Nursery School.( www.nradn.blogspot.com)

Woo Hoo... this is the day care center that he went to as a child and I was VERY EXCITED. Since he graduated, I have always gone back to visit the instructors and to donate magazines, books or whatever they need for the kids. This is more than just a day care center, they have an outstanding program for kids ages 2- 5 that emphasizes reading, math and science. I also have a great nephew who currently attends the school. The staff is AWESOME and I knew he would enjoy it. Then, I had an "OH NO" moment - Man-child will have to work with little ones. The director, Ms. Ruth Johnson, reassured me that he would be fine.

The first day of his vacation, I got him up at 7 am. Already he started to complain about it being too early. "Well, this is what it' like when you work a regualr 9-5" I told him. I packed his lunch and reminded him that he was working with little people. (Can you tell I was nervous?) When I picked him up at 5 pm, he was grinning and said he had a good day. The boy went home and went to sleep for 3 hrs. :-) All in all, he had a good time. The instructors said he did not have to be told what to do, he volunteered, he cleaned, he read to the kids, and it was a joy having him at the center. (can you see my heart growing with pride?)

Now let's see what happens when the summer program starts.

Of Inner Muses, Boxes, and Preserving Who We Are…

2010-03-31T10:15:00.000-04:00

Of Inner Muses, Boxes, and Preserving Who We Are…

Summer Youth Works -Registration Nightmare

2010-03-16T21:19:00.000-04:00

I was soo excited when I got the announcement for the Summer Youth Works Program. It is time for Man-child to get a J-O-B.

We arrived at the site a half hour early and there was a line - 100 kids ahead of us. I'm prepared with my book and Man-child, who was huffing and puffing about having to stand in line. Well, standing in line was interesting. Kids were yelling at their parents and talking very loudly on cell phones. There were also parents talking very loudly on their cell phones. When we entered the seating area, things got worse. I saw more butt cracks (from a few girls too), super tight jeans, too much cleavage, and tattoos that should have been hidden. Their were girls with pink hair, mohawks, no hair, green hair and one girls who had a mix of locs and permed hair. I sat there and thought "it's just temporary- they grow out of it". Then, I looked at some of the parents, who were dressed like their kids and I thought "maybe not".

After 3 hours, Man-child was called and like a good parent, I had all of his paper work - copy of birth certificate, SS Card, copy of report card, and work permit. 80% of the kids did not have some or all of their paper work and had to leave. When the parents were asked, more than half said " I lost it, where can I get and when do you need it". I thought "Duh - when the announcements were sent out, they told you what to bring". Ok.... Man-child and five other kids were given a W2 form, sexual harassment form and job preference form to complete. I watched and listen to the insructor tell them what each form was and how to fill it out. Two girls were sending text messages and two had ear buds in their ears. As expected, they asked him to explain it again. He went over the instructions again and raised his voice to get the girls to stop texting. Man-child was sitting there. After he submitted his forms, we were free to leave. I thought "3 hours to complete 3 forms that took 10 minutes". Geesh.

During the entire 3 hours, I think I only read about 4 pages in my book. Just watching the kids was unbelieveable. When we got in the car, Man-child said "so is this why you want me go to school?" I said "Well, it's one reason". We didn't say anything else on the way home. I decided to stop and get a salad for me and he got a cheese steak sub.

I can't wait to see what lessons we learn when the job starts this summer.

Me, Man-child And The Visitor....

2010-03-10T12:29:00.000-05:00

Two nights ago, I had a chance to just relax and do nothing. After taking a shower and fixing a cup of peppermint tea, I curled up in bed with a book. I was distracted. At first I just thought I was tired and I was seeing spots; but it happened again. Something moving in the corner. Then, I saw it - A MOUSE!! WT* "Uggggggg.....", I screamed and called Man-child. He came from his room with a bag of popcorn in his hand. "What's wrong Mommy", he says. " I just saw a mouse in the corner". He says " Oh yeah, it's been running around for a while, I thought you knew". WT*

At that point, I can not tell you what was going on in my head. I jumped up and started moving everything. I grabbed the broom, mop and pine-sol. the entire time I am yelling and screaming at him "What do you mean - its been runnign around for a while? Why didn't you say something? why didn't you try to catch it? where did it come from? How the Heck did it get in here?" I was throwing questions at him a mile a minute. He just stood off to the side, scratching his behind and looking at me like some crazy woman.

We cleaned his room, my room, three closets and a kitchen closet. We made soo much noise, my Mom, how lives downstairs, called to ask what was going on. When I told her, she said " Well, tell him to come get these traps - I don't want it down here". We cleaned until 1 am. After another shower, I climbed into bed but I still could not sleep. I kept seeing stuff move on the floor. I keep turning the light on and off; the tv - on and off. I must have done this until 4 am when I finally went to sleep. In the morning, I ran around checking every mouse trap we set... NOTHING.

All I could do was look at Man-child. He just said "What!". You know it's HIS FAULT. I have been on Mouse patrol ever since. I told him - no popcorn, no eating in his room and every NO I could think of. Finally, this morning at 3 am, there it was wiggling and making all kinds of noise. I smacked Man-child and made him get the trap. He thought he was going to just put it in the garbage -"OH Hell To The NO - Take that sucker out of here".

I am breathing a little easier but I know I'll still be on mouse patrol for a few more nights. I also called the exterminator to come (like I have extra money). What's next? ........

Teenagers And Coats

2010-02-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Mother Nature blessed us with another 4 inches of snow. School was 2 hours late and I decided to be 2 hrs late too. As I sipped my tea, I watched Man-child shovel snow. It was 28 degrees and he had on his hoodie jacket and ear phones. I do not understand why he refuses to wear a coat. He has two. I think of all the warnings that were given about H1N1, covering your coughs, and safety precautions. Health officials were talking to the wrong group of people.

I started the winter yelling at him about his coat. Then I gave up. Remembering my 2010 mantra - Relax, Listen and Look Inside for Answers - I decided to just wait for the reason to manifest. After getting dressed for school, Man-child had a cup of tea (the only thing we have in common), gave me a kiss on the cheek, put his sweat shirt on over his uniform, grabbed his ear phones and he was gone. Hmmmmmmm... I just watched and said nothing.

As I sat on the subway, I noticed that all of the teenagers were dressed like Man-child, even the girls. I noticed kids with only sweaters, jackets that were not button or zipped, no hats, no scarfs, no socks, jackets that barely covered their stomachs and more muffins tops than I cared to look at. Hmmmmmmm.... what are we teaching these kids. Wait.. it's not the adults - we have on our coats, sweater, etc. They do know that it is COLD with SNOW on the ground. RELAX - I say to myself. Then I laughed as I remembered my mother yelling at Man-child "you'll think twice once Arthur starts knocking on your door". Man-child looked at her with that "Oh" so stupid "What" look on his face. Too Funny

Later that day, Man-child called me to say that he would be late. He wanted to play football in the snow. HUH!! He hates sports. He said he thought it would be fun. When he got home, the temperature had begun to drop and Man-child was soaking wet. All I could do was look at him. "I know, I know", he said. "Imma take my wet clothes off but Mommy it was kinda fun". Again I said nothing. What could I say. After taking a shower, he started to complain about his runny nose, ear ache and sore throat. AH HA... Lesson being taught but I hope he is paying attention. Somehow, I don't think so.... What do you think?

MY HOUSE

2010-01-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

I recently celebrated my birthday. I had a really wonderful day. It also made my think of MY HOUSE. My house is FULL of Drama, Problems, Love, Laughter, Confusion, Hate, Jealousy and sooo much more. Let me explain....

In 2001, I purchased a duplex. At the time, it was a very good idea. I would move my mom in with me, since she was close to retirement (not to mention, I depended on her to be my live in babysitter) and Man-child and I would live upstairs. My Mom also cares for her brother, Uncle Mike, who is disabled. Simple, you would think - I did not factor in that EVERYONE comes to Grandma's house - ALL THE TIME. Since everyone comes to Grandma's house, there is always something going on. Everyone ASSUMES that they can spend over whenever they feel like it, move in, eat, do their laundry, or drop off their kids. Like most Grandmas, my Mom is there with welcoming arms.

At Grandma's house you will find, my neice Latrice and her three kids (Mykia, Jayden and MacKenzie) Grandma babysits while she works; Shanika with her daughter Mekhia (who is always between jobs and boyfriends but she always has money for her weave); Nephews Eddie and Dominique - both in high school and full of drama; and two of my brothers, Dennis and Sam, who both refuse to find "real" jobs (they just like to make up side jobs and work at will in between jail time); My other brother and the Texas Chain Gang moved back to Texas (I've shared that story in the past) and they call at least twice a week to say nothing. Everyone is jealous of one another, talks about each other and drives Aunt Pumpkin crazy in the midst of it all (by the way, I am Aunt Pumpkin)

In the past two years, I noticed that I have been given the title of "Bank of America". One of the pitfalls of being the oldest and only girl in the family. I just look at them all and say "I'll help with what I can and no more". At times, I have over extended my self (Lesson learned when the Texas chain Gang moved in) but then that evil "Project girl" comes out and everyone backs off. And where is Man-child - in the second floor apartment on his computer thinking of other ways to drive me crazy.

As I celebrated my birthday and I laughed at the presents I received from the kids, bubble gum bubble bath, coupons to Chucke Cheese, tickets to Disney on Ice, a gift card from Borders and another pair of slippers from Man-child, I realized that MY HOUSE is crazy and stressful, and at times, unbearable - but it is MY HOUSE. Keep us All in Prayer.

The Lesson I Learned From A Cheerios Commerical

2010-01-14T21:03:00.000-05:00

Today is January 14th. 2010 has started with tragedy. In Baltimore, Mayor Sheila Dixon has resigned, Teddy Pendergrass has passed and a 7.0 earth quake has destroyed Haiti. UNBELIEVEABLE

As the TV watched me, I was thinking of everything that has happened thus far and of everything that happened last year. I still don't know how I survived it all, emotionally or financially. But, I silently THANK THE CREATOR for providing me with strength, courage and friends who pushed me through it all. Then, this Cheerios commerical came on. It was a woman looking at herself in the mirror and the announcer said something like "instead of making changes to the outside of your body, why not start with the inside". "WOW" How many people really heard that.

Just as the commerical went off, Man-child walked into the room, pants hanging, one sock on and my Christmas slippers(he bought them for me but he has been wearing them since I opened the box) and his computer in hand. I SMILED :-) We have survived a lot - dirty room, going bald, bad grades, no graduation, counseling, the relatives from Hell, my long work days, cancelled vacation, and so much more. I thought I spent the entire year trying to change him but how many times have I looked inside. He is OK. I remembered promising to raise a God fearing man. And he is.

I never make New Year Resolutions because I always forget them after the first few days. Instead, I set three goals - First, become more health conscious. I did... lost 10 lbs and I am ok with it.. It's less and I've learned to give up, cut back and exercise more. Second, I became a Blogger. I am still amazed at the number of followers and supporters I've received. Thanks to Everyone. Last, I vowed to make Man-child more responsible - through thick and thin. I never took the time to look inside and see who he really was/is. He is, thus far, a respectable, fun, caring, lazy young man. He is a teen-ager, who is still learning.

All in all, I am looking forward to the things he will get into and I PRAY that I will have the strength and wisdom to guide him. I also Pray that I do not hurt him and have to reach out for bail money from friends. This year's goals -only one - RELAX, LISTEN and LOOK INSIDE MORE. I am really starting to like what I created.

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2010-01-04T14:08:00.001-05:00

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Acceptance

2010-01-02T23:15:00.000-05:00

The New Year has started and I am looking forward to change and new beginnings and adventures. Before any of that can take place, I had to accept a few things. First, I am ok and I love who I am. Second, I can't and will not try to save, help, or rescue everyone (they have to learn to first help themselves) and Finally, Man-child is who he is and he is growing to be a something. The final product is still in the making.

As I prepared to end my vacation (which wasn't very relaxing), I told Man-child that he needed to find his backpack, uniforms and deorderant so that he will be ready for school. When I went in his room, I was hit with his mess. Stuff everywhere. I've talked about how I've found several sets of sheets on the bed (I wasn't clear when I said take the dirty ones off and put on clean ones), and the pillow case with sandwiches in glad bags or teh night table that was used as the hamper. Well, not much has changed.

He said "Mommy, I like my room the way it is .. It can't be clean all the time and I can find stuff". Standing with my hand on my hips I calmly stated "but all of your clothes on on the floor. How can you tell what is clean or dirty? Plus most of this stuff looks like it hasn't been washed at all". He said "that's cause you are not me - I promise when I move out I'll clean my room".

I thought about what he said for a long time. He is RIGHT. Why am I trying to make him clean his room.... ACCEPT IT. Most kids at this age are simple sloppy pigs. As long as he is ok with it, and it doesn't create bugs or rodents in my house, Accept it. I have vowed that I will enter his room only on a "need to" bases and he promises to keep his mess in his room only. The minute I see or think I see a bug or creature of ANY KIND the exterminators will be called and he has to keep the room the way I SAY.

Acceptance

Lesson #2 - "What Had Happened Was..." Or Taking Ownership For Your Actions

2009-11-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was report card night at Man-child's school. I was soo not looking forward to this. I know he is a good student but there is something about getting that report card that makes my stomach turn. As we drove in the car, Man-child started "Mommy, before you get upset, let me tell what had happened was.... ". From that point on, I shut him out cause I knew I did not want to hear excuses. Then I turned him back on so that I would not be too shocked.

I was surprise to see the large turn out of parents. Man-child attends a Charter school that focuses on SAT and College Preparatory courses. After the introduction by the principal and a few reminders about the Flu vaccines, everyone began their search for teachers. Most of the teachers looked like they just came from Iraq - there were very few smiles, a lot of crossed arms, and tight lips. The slow throb in my head had begun.

Man-child directed me to his Technology teacher. The first thing the teacher said was "I am really the librarian teaching this course". OK..... He proceeded to tell me that Man-child was one of his better student but "what had happened was... ". HUH... He explained his grading system and what Man-child needed to do the bring his grade up. I thanked him and we moved on. Next, I spoke with the science teacher, sports director, and health teacher. Things were not going to bad.

Yet, I noticed that as we waited to speak with each teacher, every child, as they tried to explain their grades, began his/her explanation with "what had happened was...". As the parents listened, I notice that the majority believed the child's explanation. Hmmmm .... I thought about this for a minute. A few of the explanations I thought were bold faced lies but it was not my child. I also listened to a few parents say the same thing as they attempted to explain why their child had missed an assignment or two. Since I regularly visit Man-child's school, (yes, I am that parent that sits in the back of the classroom at least once a month), I knew what to expect from him and his teachers.

What bothered me the most was the manner in which everyone made it easy to accept the excuse that followed the statement. No one questioned it or was willing to take ownership for his/her mistake. It started with the student, the parent and a few of the teachers. I began to wonder whether passing the blame has become that much of the norm for today's youth. My head began to ache a little bit more as we waited and I listened to all of the conversations.

I was not pleased with Man-child's grades and he knew I would not be. However, I was proud of him because he took ownership for his grades. He said " Mommy I just did not do the work because I didn't". I was angry but I did not get an excuse. Of course, we were the last to leave and I scheduled appointments to meet with two teachers and the principal later. As soon as we got home, Man-child put his laptop on my bed. (He knew what was coming) At that point I realized that I was doing something right. Lesson learned... "Take ownership for your actions and stand by you decision - good or bad". And Man-child had definately done that.

I Remember.....

2009-10-22T09:12:00.000-04:00

Today is Man-child's Fourteenth Birthday. WOW!!! Hallelujah!!!

I Remember.... going to the Inner Harbor everyday for lunch and having 1/2 lbs of steamed Shrimp with cole slaw and prune juice (Never had morning sickness) with his godmom, Paulette, who gained 20 lbs. (BTW, I gained 75 lbs and never regretted it)

I Remember...My MOM spoiling me with Steak every evening for dinner

I Remember... when my water broke - I had to have a tuna sandwich.

I Remember...breaking the rail on the hospital bed, because I was determined not to scream and yell so I just beat the crap out of the bed.

I Remember... my Aunt, Annette, arriving and playing the ocean water tape to relax me but it actually drove me crazy

I Remember ... after 22 hrs, begging for the epidural - and being scared

I Remember...having the c-section performed- and being scared

I Remember....when the Doctor placed him on my chest and he immediately began to nurse

I Remember... in the recovery room, Barry White's song "My First, My Last, My Everything" was playing on the radio and thinking "He is Soooo Right"

I Remember... crying - from being so overwhelmed with joy and Love - that I could not stop

I Remember... promising to raise him to be a God Fearing, Honest, Responsible, and Loving Man.

Happy Birthday to Brandon Geoffrey Bronson!!! Love ya more than words can express :-)

Man-child's Hair

2009-10-20T18:44:00.001-04:00

I have discussed this many times in the last few weeks and I finally decided to put it to paper, sort to speak. Sometime back in early September, Man-child asked if he could get a Jheri Curl put into his hair. I ignored him. A few days later, he asked for a Mulette (ya know, that hair style Billy Ray Cyrus wore when he sang Achy Breaky Heart) - I ignored him again. Then, he asked for a perm.... OK.. What the Heck is going on!!!

I asked him "what in the Hayle is wrong with you"? Mind you, his hair is short, thick and mattered to his head. (think Sheep's Behind thick) Then I thought, "OK, he has been playing that Rock legend/Rock Band thingy and he wants to look like a Rock Star. He said "no, I just want my hair to be long". I ask, "Well, is it a girl that you are trying to impress". Again, he said "NO". Hmmmm.... I can clearly see that he is not happy.

I posted on line for advice from my Sistah friends. Of course, everyone laughed and said it's just a phase. I think the best recommendation was to let him get a perm and turn the water off so he could not rinse it out. (Honestly, it sounded good but I could not let him suffer like that -LOL) I also got the standard "Been there, done that" comment. Hmmmm .. .. do I continue to ignore him or go ahead and let him get a perm. So, I asked him again and he said "Mommy I think my hair line is receeding". I went through the "Not at 13 yrs old. speech and if it is receeding -THANKS TO MICHAEL JORDAN, Bald is sexy. I pointed out the rappers Common, LL Cool J, and a load of other Bald Sexy Men. He looked at me and said "But Mommy Little John and those other rappers got good hair - -- STOP... Put on the breaks _ Little John is from another planet - let's not got there. I even looked at a couple of those hair growth products- NOT. They start at $40 and go up. Shampoo that promotes hair growth cost $29.95. Uggggg - I am frustrated and speechless.

So, I continued to look at this boy with this long, woolly hair. Saturday, he was trying to comb it and the teeth broke. I said nothing. He went to the store and bought two new combs and this purple colored hair grease. I said nothing. For the last two days mornings, I have watched him attempt to comb his hair and said nothing. When he came home from school today, MAN-CHILD had gotten his hair cut - it's cut close but not bald. I asked him "What happened?" he said I stopped on my way home and got it cut. I asked " Where did you get the money?" He said "I saved some of my lunch money". All I could do was KISS him on the top of his head.

Lesson 1 - Learning The Hard Way

2009-09-11T13:31:00.001-04:00

Last Friday, Sept. 4Th, I was on my way to have lunch with my friend, Stephanie. It was a wonderful day and I was I was enjoying one of many furlough days from work. As Stephanie and I prepared to leave, I got a call from my mom - Man-child went to my job. She said she asked him whether he had enough money to get home and he said "I'm alright". Hmmmmm something was up and I just had that feeling that something was not right. I called him on his cell phone and I got no answer. I left with Stephanie to take care of a few errands.

I was trying to enjoy my time with my friend but I could not let go of that nagging feeling that something was not right. I called Man-child's phone several times and I still got no answer. As the afternoon progressed, I got quiet. Where in the Heck could he be? One hour later, no Man-child and he still was not answering his phone. Two hours later - no Man-child. I am thinking - do I go look for him but where? Is he out with new friends? Did he spend his money? Too many questions and not a clue of where this child could be. My mom was calling me every 30 minutes with reports of "He ain't home yet!!" DUH - I know but what do you want me to do!! Stephanie, in her very quiet voice said, "Sis, I'll drive and we can go look for him if you want". I said "I know but where would we look? If he is walking, there are a million routes he could have taken". We sat and Stephanie keep me busy.

Almost three hours later, my Mom called and said he was home. After taking a breath and saying a quiet Hallelujah, I was better. When I walked in the house, he was sitting at the table - eating. I said nothing. I listened to him tell my mom that he forgot I was home. He used his bus card to get to my job, spent his money on food and forgot to charge is cell phone so he could not call. Finally I said "why didn't you call collect from a pay phone?". His response "I saw a homeless person standing next to one so I kept walking". "Well, what happened to the money I gave you for an emergency"? He said "Oh, I was thirsty, so I spent it". To give you an idea of how far he walked - it is a total of 6 1/2 miles from downtown Baltimore. After he ate, I watched him soak his feet, (he had on dress shoes not sneakers) and then he went to sleep.

One week later - today, it is raining buckets outside. Man-child left out of the house with no jacket, hat or umbrella. I just looked at him. Should I be worried? Not today. As the elders have said for generations " A Hard Head Makes For a Soft Behind" - Praying as he learns these lessons the Hard Way!! I just pray I survive.

Reflection

2009-08-30T20:11:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking all day about the upcoming school year. Man-child will be in HIGH SCHOOL. What an accomplishment - homework, arguments with teacher, christian school, projects - and that was just elementary school. Middle school was horrible - hormones, dealing with death, students being killed, gangs, bad grades, computer games and so much more. I wonder - AM I READY. REALLY READY!!

Most of last week, I spent doing what I've done at the beginning of every school year - search for a mentor, big brother or program suitable for Man-child. Raising him has been my greatest joy despite all of the headaches. Raising him without male guidance has been an even bigger challenge. I can not tell you how much I miss our friend Mike because he was always there when I never really realized that I needed him. Man-child took forever to get over his sudden death. I think back to the Million Man March and how thousands of men pledged to "be there" for their younger brothers. Well, let me tell you, it still ain't happening.

I have been to plenty of workshops for single moms. Everyone says "look at family members as role members". I have two cousins that Man-child adores but they are often too busy with their lives to spend that quality male time with him. Males in church have volunteered but that fell before it was even picked up. I have signed up for every program you can imagine. One big brother showed up once and then changed his number. I have had my sistah-friends from all across the country searching for programs and every program has failed. SIGH

I try to do my best but it's hard because after all, I am a MOM. I can't tell him men stuff though I try to go my best. As we went shopping, he was looking at Cologne and I asked him to pick out what he wanted. He backed away and said that's OK. When I picked out what I liked, said it smelled like flowers. I buy pants that fit with very little room but most teens wear them too baggy. How do we compromise? I don't like the constant arguments with Man-child. I know some of it is teen-age hormone and the rest is lack of male companionship. I look at my brothers and see how they could have been better men if they had the proper male guidance. There are plenty of single moms that have raised sons. I can imagine the tears they have shed to get them to where they are.

As I get ready for this new milestone in our lives, I will continue to PRAY for strength, guidance and patience. I LOVE HIM with all my HEART. I just hope that it is enough to Raise my Man-child.

Practicing What You Preach

2009-08-19T12:37:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows about my battle with Man-child and his bedroom. The rule of the house is "Your room is Your Space to do what ever you want; however, it can not resemble or smell like a pig's pen". I can not tell you the battles we have had and the trash I have carted out of his room in the last year.

Two days ago, I went to his room to ask him a question and I stopped in my tracks. There were clothes everywhere, water bottles, paper and stuff. UGGGG ... I could not go past the door. I simply turned and left. He came running ... "Mommy, I know what you are going to say and Imma' clean my room later today. I promise". I said nothing. After all, what else could I say that has not been said before. So, I went to my bedroom and then I had to stop again in my tracks. OMG!!! My room was a mess.

Since I have been working extra hours at the bookstore, I have been too tired to clean and things have just settled where ever I've dropped them. I had about six pairs of sandals and two pairs of sneakers in the middle of the floor; at least three weeks of mail on the dresser that I needed to sort; a pile of blouses that needed to go to the dry cleaners; I'd purchased some new bed pillows,towels and wash cloths and they were still in the bags in the corner;a laundry basket that needed to be folded; my niece's toys (from the weekend I babysat); and a stack of books that I'd read and did not place on the shelves; and five empty water bottles. I was GUILTY of being a slob.

So, I cleaned my room. It took me two hours and it looks sooo much better. Man-child came in my room and said "Dang, What happened in here"? I said "What are you talking about"? We just looked at each other real goofy like for a minute and he walked away. When I came home from work the next day, half of his room was cleaned.

Can you see me SMILE!!

Man-Child's Summer

2009-07-23T22:36:00.000-04:00

Needless to say, it has been a long summer. Since Man-child had to complete work he failed to do during the school year, I cancelled all activity for the summer. Even though it has not been very humid, it has been hot in this house. As a matter of fact, for the first two weeks, he would not speak to me.

When the summer enrichment program began, he hit the ceiling. Then all H*ll broke when he found out he had to read "The Secret Life of Bees". WT* Man-child was near tears. "Why I gotta read this girl book", he yelled. I told him " suck it up and read. And there is no such thing as a girl book". The temperature got even HOTTER.

I watched him read. He threw the book. He tried to hide it but I bought two extra copies. He even tore a few pages out of one book. After three weeks, he finished it and then he had to write a character analysis. I thought "OMG, this is going to be a disaster". Once again, he surprised me. Man-child's paper talked about how he could relate to Rosaleen, the character played by Jennifer Hudson. He stated that she was very smart and knowledgeable. Everyone thought she was slow and not aware of what was going on. He said that she was very smart. She just had a different way of doing things. Man-child said that he felt like her because everyone assumes that he is smart and on target when he is simply trying to figure things out the way that he wants to do it. He talked about how people always look at people and think they know all about you instead of getting to know you and letting you figure things out on your own. I WAS SPEECHLESS. He teacher was very impressed.

I returned his laptop and video games until the High School Summer Program starts on August 3. He kissed me and yelled as if it were Christmas. Then he did something that really shocked me. He said "Mommy, where are all those Harry Potter books?" I pulled the books from the shelf and gave them to him. Tonight, when I thought he was lost in Runescape on the computer or somewhere trying his hand at anime art, he was reading the first Harry Potter book.

Boy... I still have a lot to learn.

It's July -Now What?

2009-07-06T19:44:00.000-04:00

It's July. So much has happened this year. The year started off pretty good with me setting goals and putting one foot in front of the other and actually getting them accomplished (one being to start blogging) My brother and his family (that's 7 people) moved in with me. I can not begin to talk about the good, bad and ugly of that. Man-child is always trying to find new and creative ways to deceive me - gee, I am glad I was not born yesterday. My biggest disappointment with him was not being able to see him participate in the graduation ceremony. (I guess thinking on it now - I am glad it was the 8Th grade ceremony and not High School). The doctor gave me blood pressure pills - this is a battle I have been fighting with for over a year so I wasn't really surprised when it finally happened. My weight has plateaued -it's been the same for the past six months. I missed a few book signings and girl-friend get-togethers that I really wanted to attend. My reading Mojo has dropped - the desire has not been there lately. There has been several celebrity deaths that have left me speechless - Farrah Fawcett (yes, I wanted hair like her back in the day) and Michael Jackson - I won't comment on his death because I could not say anything more to what has already been said. I had to endure furlough days but THANKFUL I was able to go to work each day and enjoyed the stress of it.

So now, I sigh.... What's next for the remainder of the year. Well, I am going to get back up on my horse and keep on going... My brother and family has moved out; Man-child is still on lock down (which puts me on lock down too but I plan on taking little trips for me); juggling and thinking about refinancing; jazzed up my resume (never know what I may find); second goal to accomplish - STOP BITTING MY NAILS -I wanta get a manicure :-) ; restructure my homemade weight lose plan and do something different; look forward to what comes next.

What do you have planned??

Choices And Accountablity

2009-06-22T22:14:00.000-04:00

June has been a very busy month for me. I was preparing for the graduations of my niece and nephew from elementary school; my great niece from nursery school and of course, Man-child from middle school. I learned 4 days before his graduation that although Man-child had enough credits to graduate, he did not take his final exam. He said "He choose not take it". The school administrators decided to give him a project to complete to satisfy his requirement. He fooled around and did a half A&* job. As a result he was not allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony. I was PISSED and I was prepared to let him repeat the 8th grade. But I quickly remembered "It was his choice". I insisted that he be held accountable for his actions. The schools administrator agreed to let him complete two projects as part of his summer enrichment program to satisfy the requirement. If I allow him to think that he will be given second chances and he can skirt by, then I am not doing my job as a parent. His choice has cost him his summer vacation, his computer and all graduation money. I can not and will not allow him to think that doing just enough is good enough and he has to be ACCOUNTABLE for everything that he does.

Next, we have been preparing for my brother and his family to move. Hallelujah. They found a town house that was one hour away from me. Each day they encounter a new problem - more money, problem with the house, and more. My brother said "We should have choose something else". I discovered that they make a lot of decisions with out thinking them over. Now, they are being held accountable for it.

What did I learn - I will go the extra mile to be successful and to help anyone that is in need. I reflected on Matthew 5:41 However, the choices and decision that we make will have a never lasting impact on the things you do tomorrow. You also have to be ACCOUNTABLE for every action and decision that you make.

I Heard What You Said....

2009-05-23T16:57:00.000-04:00

I can not believe that we are 2 weeks away from the end of the 2008-2009 school year. In summary, it was HELL. Man-child started off eager to finish the year and plan for high School. By October, the excitement was gone. I started my Mantra... "The grade you get now will have an impact on the high school you select. Keep your grades up". I must have said this everyday - did he listen - NO!!! In Thanksgiving, a student was killed at a school that is located next door to his school. Man-child shut down. He refused to do any school and refused to go to school for 4 days. Well... I began calling everyone, seeking help, counseling, therapy.. you name it, I took advantage of it. His response -"Just leave me ALONE". SIGH January brought a new attitude, but some spitefulness and I am still repeating my Mantra to him. By February, my brother and his family moved in (you'll have to revisit previous blogs from February) - OH BOY!!! Talk about DRAMA and FAMILY DRAMA at that.... I am still repeating my Mantra and seeking any type of help. By spring break, all of the top high school that he wanted to attend did not accept him because of his mediocre grades. DOUBLE SIGH At this point, I am praying 'cause I know now that somewhere I lost focused. PRAY ......PRAY.....PRAY

In the midst of all this drama, his principal calls me and says, "Man-child is extremely bright and I have to agree that maybe our school was not a challenge for him". I'm like -DUH!!!! He continued and stated that despite his grades, (and they were bad), Man-child scored in the top 5 percentile of all B'more city in the standardized test. He also qualified and passed with a score of 82% on the High School assessment test for Algebra I and English I. DUH again...

So, what does all of this mean? Man-child will be promoted to High School and it will be a school of my choice. He will also be place in an advance placement courses. When we sat down and went through everything that happened this year - his attitude, grades, etc. , he said "I heard what You said, I just wasn't listen"

When am I ever going to learn?!! Sigh

Annual Cleaning Of Man-Child's Room

2009-05-03T19:25:00.000-04:00

This weekend, Man-child went camping with his scout troop. Hallelujah!!! We needed a break from each other. I made a list of all the things I wanted to do - movie, visit some friends, very LONG Bubble bath, sleep late, take a nap and go shopping. YEAH!!!! Needless to say, I didn't do any of them. I took the time to clean Man-child's room.

Mind you, before he left, he said he cleaned it. I've learned from past experience that my son is very creative in cleaning (remember the multiple sets of sheets on his bed) . I got all of my cleaning supplies and I was ready for combat.

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought. On the upside, I found his remote to the t.v. (he has been looking for that for a month), his house keys ( I had another set made), his calculator, computer flash drive, wireless remote to the computer and the case for MY cellphone. On the downside, I found 8 plastic water bottles, 3 soda cans, 6 forks, 2 spoons, one green sandwich, 2 letters from his teacher (addressed to me from March that I am not going to follow up on), and three bath towels (well that's a good thing compared to last year when I found a dozen). So I am thinking, NOT BAD!! I also took the time to go through his closet and purged clothes that he could not wear or have not worn. I found at least 4 pair of pants with tags still on them and a few shirts. (Made of list of things to buy for the summer -- Uggggg )

All in all, I was exhausted but it felt good. After I thought about it ... this was a piece of cake compared to last year. When he came home, he just Thanked me for finding all the lost goods and returned to ignoring me. Prayerfully, there will be a day when I won't have to clean his room.

By the way, I did take an extra LONG Bubble Bath. :-)

Bonding with Man-child

2009-04-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

I am always trying to find different ways to bond with my son. We are really oil and vinegar - he likes math,I like like english; he likes anime cartoons, I like the Flintstones; he prefers to play video games, I love to read.

Sunday, I asked him to teach me how to play a video game. Man-child saved his money and purchased that Guitar Hero game (I know I am not saying it right) for his computer. It the same game that the Nintendo WII has but now there is one for the computer. He showed me how to hold the guitar and press all of the colors. It really seemed simple, so I was ready to play a song. Man-child said "Let's start with the Tutorial". "NO.. I wanna play a song". After looking at the selections, I was like "DUH - these are all rock n roll songs. Don't they have any R &B. He reminded me that it was Rock legends. We go through the list again and I recognize a song by the Rollin Stones. Needless to say, I could not play one correct note on the Tutorial. I must have tried it 5 times. We went back over it again -and I was beginning to see his frustration, so I said "you do it and let me watch". The boy is a PRO. He went right to expert level and went through 3 songs. I went back to the Tutorial and this time I got 3 right notes. I was soo happy. He just said "OK, are you done yet?" That was my hint - bonding time is over.

I've been thinking about that day all week and I have to admit it was fun. We spent about an hour and a half together and I still can't play the game. I'll probably wait a while before I ask to play again. Maybe I finish the Tutorial... :-)

Raising Him Alone

2009-04-19T20:36:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, April 18, 2009, I attended the 6th Annual Heal A Woman Heal A Nation Conference at Coppin State University. Co-directors Mothyna James-Brightful and Monoka Tyson of Heal A Woman stated that they strive to rejuventate, re-energize and revitalize the life of sisterhood since we are our sister's keeper, her best friend, her confidant, her reflection and her support. The purpose of the conference is to empower woman to encourage the growth of our communities. The workshops, which I found every exciting were entitled, Taking Care of Me First, Rejuvenating The Dream, Balancing Goals And Decisions, and Creating A Balanced Life.

The portion of the conference that I was interested in was entitled Raising Him Alone. Raising Him Alone is a separate organization that supports single mothers. It is a fact that 85% of households in the US are headed by single parents and most of those are single mothers. They also give support to men who are learning to be fathers or are trying to reconnect with their children. Events have been given in Chicago, New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, and Virginia. The workshops included: Father Factor: Addressing the Pain of Our Sons Experiencing An Absent Father; Coping With The Day to Day Struggles of Being A Single Mother: Making Ends Meet On A Tight Budget and A Mother's Role in Supporting Manhood Development. I attended all of these workshops and I learned soooo much about the decisions I have made and the impact that they have had on me and Man-Child.

The luncheon was the best part of the conference (ok - the food was ok). During the luncheon, there was a panal of Celebrity MOMS. Dr. Malalia A. Hines, Principal of John Hope College Prep High School in Chicago and Mother of Hip Hop Artist and Actor Common; Dr. Brenda Green, Professor of English and Executive Director of the Center for Black Literatur at Medgar Evers College and Mother of Hip Hop Artist Talib Kweli; Sheron Smith, Author and Motivational Speaker and Mother of Hip Hop Artist Mos Def; Meshelle Forman Shields, Actress, Comedienne and Motivational Speaker, Cassandra Mack, Founder and CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living and Dana Bankins, grandmother who raised Five Sons.

Each of these woman were very open and honest as they shared with the audience their personal trials of raising boys. They discussed fathers, abuse, fighting gangs, decision making, dealing with the court system, facing jail time with their sons, over compensating with gifts, faith, importance of prayer, taking care of self, reaching out for help, and knowing when enough is enough. I found Dr. Mahaila Hines to be wonderful. She encouraged All mothers to take a personal look at themselves to find the answers to many of the questions we had on raising our sons.

The day was very refresing, and as they stated at the beginning of the conference, REJUVENATING. I met a lot of mothers with sons in jail, hospitals, dealing with children with ADHD, teen fathers, those trying to accept and understand sexual orientation, and so much more. The one common theme, though every circumstance was different, we were looking for support and encouragement for our sons. I grabbed many handouts, collected several free books, 10 Steps out of Puberty: A Teen's Guide to Successful Living by LaMarr Shields, Raising Hi Alone by David Miller; The Single Mom's Little Book of Wisdom by Cassandra Mack; and an audio book "Raising God's Children Alone". The only disappointing part for me was that many of the programs offered were for boys between the age of 10- 12 or 14-18. I questioned "What happens to 13 yr olds?" However, I did get a couple of leads for mentoring programs and tutoring groups that I plan to look into.

When I chose the name for this blog, I never thought that there was an organization dedicated to helping single mothers. I am glad my Sistah-friends encouraged me to write about some of my experiencing so that I may also be able to help others as others have helped me.

Please checkout their website www.raisinghimalone.com for more information and locations of conference near you.

The Best of Man-Child

2009-04-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

Making the decision to write a blog was not easy for me. I am not a writer. I have always wanted to write but I did not think I had anything interesting to tell or write about.

Raising Man-child has been a 24/7 job; one that I did not think would be this difficult. In fact I prayed for a "Funky, Stinky, Little Boy". Well, I got it and then some. My friends are in tears as I scream about the things this boy does. UNBELIEVEABLE After I have screamed, yelled and watched a new gray hair pop into place, I realize that he is funny. I hope by putting my trials, tribulations, heartaches and successes for everyone to see, I am able to help someone else that is going through the same things. I also Pray for the support, advise and encouragement.

MY TOP THREE MAN CHILD STORIES:

3. Be Specific with instructions - While cleaning his room, while he was away camping, I noticed that Man-Child had 4 sets of sheets on the bed. I asked him why - his response, "You never told me to take the dirty sheets off".

2. Make Him take ownship for his actions - To avoid doing a science project, he told his teacher that I could not afford to buy the supplies he needed due to the recession and his father's decision not to pay child support money. The teacher bought the supplies for him and offered me a part-time job. I made him work at her store to pay for the supplies.

1. A cure for Nakedness - Man-child had a habit of walking around the house Naked. I keep explaining to him that he was not my little boy but this Man -Child with things that I did not need to see. He reason "You are my MOMMY- it doesn't matter". Well one sunday, while gettng ready for church, I decided to change my bra and took it off and walked out of the bathroom - TOPLESS. He yelled "MOMMY, That's NASTY- Cover those things up". I told him, "When you were nursing it was not a problem. He said " But I'm not supposed to see those things" to which I responded "That's exactly the same thing I've been telling you". Well now he wears his robe all the time.

So what is your favorite Man-child story?

Man-Child And His Sibblings (Cousins)

2009-03-20T22:24:00.000-04:00

It's been a month since my brother and his family moved into my home. Let me tell ya, it has been an ADVENTURE. Getting the kids used to a different routines, new eating habits, new rules and so much more has been a challenge. Despite it all, we are managing.

One thing I never considered or thought about was the impact this change would have on Man-child. My brother has three sons, Khalil 12, Demarion 9, and Ja'Varea 5, that are younger than Man-child and they WORSHIP the ground he walks on. The first week, it was fun. Man-child helped with homework, getting them ready for bed, doing housework and getting to know each other. They follow Man-child every where and even began wearing their clothes like Man-child. Well, somewhere between that second and third week, things began to change. I noticed Man-child yelling at the boys all the time.

Finally, Man-child said, "I am sick and tired of them. Get them out of here". What happened?, I asked. "They are everywhere, they won't even let me go to the bathroom; they are in my sutff and they keep taking stuff out of my room"!! he yelled. " I don't want them in my room any more and they can't sleep in my room either, as a matter of fact I don't even want to see them".

Oh Boy... I reminded him that I knew it was difficult but we are all cramped and uncomfortable. I told him that the boys look up to him and he just has to be patient. I told him to stop being selfish and share with his cousins. This is what it's like having brothers and sisters. Awww Man.. it hit me again.... Growing up, I was the oldest and the only girl, I NEVER had to share or compromise anything with anyone. My room and things were OFF LIMITS. When my cousins visited, I always let them know what they could touch or were allowed to play with (basically everything - but I had to tell them first). I never shared a room, my clothes - NOTHING. When my aunt died, a couple of my cousins, male cousins, came to live with us for a while - again, my stuff was off limits.

I had to rethink this again and make new rules. Ok. The boys can come in his room only if Man-child lets them and they have to respect his space. They also have to let Man-child invite them to stay in his room. Have things gotten better? There is less yelling and they boys are not clinging to Man-child every move. But I am still on him about sharing, being considerate and accepting of others. I also reminded him that the world does not revolve around him and one day he could find himself in the same place.

I'll keep you posted of our progress :-)

The Knock On The Door

2009-03-08T21:47:00.000-04:00

Three weeks ago, my brother, his wife and five kids knocked on my door. Still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, his plant closing, unemployment, and so much more, he decided to pack up his family and move back home. I can’t imagine how difficult that decision was for him but he had an obligation to provide the best care for his family.

When they arrived, I immediately called family. Instead of support, I heard, “How rude. They should have called first”, “ I hope you are not trying to be a Savior”, “ How the Heck does he expect to get help here”, “ You should have sent them to a shelter”, and a lot more. I got the same response from friends that I’ve considered family also. Hmmmm…. I thought, is this what institution of the family has become? I got angry and I thought would these same people do the same to me if I need help.

Let me say this… I am not a Martyr. I do what I do because I want to. I recognize that in order to survive you must have the support of your family. Throughout history, particularly for African Americans, families have always taken care of each other. So, why should I change? I recognize that I am a caregiver and a nurturer. Even with all of the negative comments, I am still the one everyone calls. I am the one that remembers every birthday, anniversary, death, birth, graduation, special achievement, wedding, or thinking of you. Then it hit me…. “Trust in the LORD with ALL your HEART and Lean not on your own understanding”. Proverbs 3:5 I do what’s in my heart and I never question my actions or the actions of those that are in need.

My brother’s obligation is to provide the best care for his family. His decision brought him back to Baltimore where he thought he could get support. Am I obligated to help? No. Yet, I know that with my trust in the CREATOR, All is Well. If my obligation makes me seem gullible, naive or taken advantage of, I would say, “that’s okay”. I have to do what is in my heart and spirit. So knock on my door. Anytime.

Fig-uring Man-Child

2009-02-08T22:33:00.001-05:00

Since the death of our friend Mike, Man-child has become this whole other person. He challenges me with EVERYTHING. He argues, he yells, he rolls his eyes, and a whole lot of other stuff that I have been trying to figure out. Every one said "he is just smelling himself", " he'll grow out of it", "boys are like that", and a lot other cliches that I hate. Yet, despite it all, I knew something was not the same with my son and I DO NOT LIKE IT. We tried the counseling thing with no success, and a couple of Elders from church even noticed that he was different and tried to talk to him. Man-child said "I am sick and tired of everyone talking to me. I just want to be left alone". With that I noticed that he wasn't going outside and spending time with his friends, he was becoming more secretive and spending more time on the computer. Of course I checked and double checked everything that he was doing. I DON'T LIKE IT.

Today, in church, our first lady, Min. Anita Phillips, who tends to set the church on fire, delivered a message that has been with me all day - well at least a part of it. She took us to Genesis 3:6 when Adam and Eve bit from the apple from the Tree of Knowledge and they realized that they were naked. They sewed together fig leaves to cover their nakedness. She went on to discuss the fig tree, a small fruit with huge leaves used to cover or hide truth or things that we do not want to see or deal with. Min. Anita talked about being fruitful and accepting change. She also reminded us that in order to move forward we have to see the vision, see what is ahead and to stop looking over our shoulders because we tend to lose focus and as a result we lose the blessing. She gave many references of the role of the fig tree and the leaves that tend to used to cover things.

So you ask, what did I get out of that lesson (which I am sure I paraphrased badly) and what is my point. Why am I trying to fig-ure out what is wrong with Man-child? Am I looking for a problem or am I trying to hide from the fact that my son is growing up. Am I covering up something that really isn't a problem at all? I fig-ured out what my problem was with Man-child. I lost FAITH. I saw something in my son and I became scared. Like Adam and Eve, I covered or masked my fear and flipped it all on Man-child. I wanted to Find a problem so that I coudl fix it - fix him. But he said it best " Nothing is wrong - I just want to be left alone". I went back and read all of the references First Lady gave regarding the Fig tree and how it has been used to cover and mask things. Yes, Man-child is argumentive and he challenges me but my son is growing and I think that this is his way of doing it since he does not have that male role model that he once had. I am so caught up in the who is was and not who is becoming - A Young Man. Yeah, it still scares me but I have to restore my FAITH in my son. I also have to keep a clear vision on what is ahead because I know that it will be AWESOME. I can not look back at who he was because he is no longer my little boy.

Tribute to Michael Porter - Jan. 11, 1970 - Oct. 23, 2007

2009-01-19T22:44:00.000-05:00

Last week, I spent time with my friend Phylissa and her daughters. We were celebrating what would have been her husband's, Michael, birthday. Michael was a dynamic person. He was a husband, father, son, and friend. It did not matter what the problem or circumstance, Mike P, as he was often called, was always there to make you laugh. In fact, laughter was his ministry. He could be found making you laugh, as he cut your hair (he as a barber) or cutting a joke or two with the Pastor. Mike created Kingdom Laughs Entertainment, a Christian owned and operated business with the purpose of "Magnifyin g Spiritual gifts to the fullest through laughter".

Mike was a very special person to Man-child. He was more than a big brother and mentor. He was "that person" Man-child could always go to about anything. As we were talking, I had to share one of my Man-child stories with everyone. Late one August evening, Man-child came into my room after taking a shower and asked me "How come my penis keep sticking straight out". As he is asking me, my son is standing in front of me completely naked with a FULL ERECTION. I was speechless. I asked him, "What were you doing?" He said "I was rubbing it in the shower". All I could say was "Well, don't do it anymore". I was speechless for days. Can you imagine me all hot , shocked and frustrated first from seeing my son NAKED and then with a full erection? Uggggg.... A few days later in church, I saw Mike and he asked how were things going. When I explained what happened, he said "Don't worry, I'll take care of it". He took Man-child out and I guess they talked. Later that day, Mike called me and explained it in technical terms to me in case Man-child had any more questions. He said that he wanted me prepared for what would happen next and we talked for almost two hours.

Michael was called HOME the day after Man-child's 12th birthday. My son was heartbroken. He often becomes very withdrawn with the mention of Michael's name. In fact celebrating his birthday was very difficutl; but, I had to remind him that we have to celebrate all that Mike gave us and all that he was to us. I am grateful that we had someone like Michael in our life and I will carry him with me always.

Me, Man-child and the Computer

2009-01-11T19:27:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I noticed a pop up on my computer stating that my security with McAfee was about to expire. I was supposed to click some button to renew it at a cost of $69.95. Well, I did not know what the heck this was all about. So, I posted a SOS message to my Sistah friends on-line. Not only did they explain it to me but they gave me suggestion on what software to purchase. The next day during my lunch break, I run over to Office Depot to purchase the software. I am excited because I am going to do this by-myself.

Enters Man-child. Now I will admit, I know NOTHING about the computer. I turn it on, go to what I want and that's it. At work, the IT person handles all problems. Anyway, I open the package to read about the software and how to install it. Man-child, in the deepest voice I have ever heard, says "Mommy, why are you being Stupid.. Just put the disc in the drive and follow the prompts". NO, HE DIDN'T CALL ME STUPID!!!! "Boy, who do you think you are talking to", I yell. "I Gotta read the information before I can do anything. And if you call me Stupid again I'mma knock your teeth out". He rolls his eyes and walks out of the room.

I sat at this computer for 20 minutes reading and looking for the disc drive and double checking everything. Man-child walks back in the room and says "Move over Mommy. He put the disc in, clicked a few buttons, we waited 10 minutes and it was installed. He patted me on the top of my head and said "It's ok... I love you too".

2009 - Raising Man Child

2009-01-04T18:57:00.000-05:00

It's 2009 and I have already achieved one of my goals... creating a blog. It's not just any blog. I am a single, mature female raising a teen-age Male child. I remember praying throughout my pregnancy for a male child. "Raising a boy is so much easier than girls", I thought. Let me be first to tell you that is not true. Some of the problems I have had to deal with have made my friends laugh out loud and shed tears. " You should write a book", they would say or " I hope you are keeping a journal". All I can do is shake my head and pray. Then they will smile and say " It will be OK, I been through something similar" or " He's just smelling himself, y'all will be alright". Well, it ain't alright because I am pre-menopausal. My hormones and his hormones are at WAR.

So I've decided to create blog to help me keep me sane as I raised my wonderful son and to help other who are raising kids. Next blog... I'll explain how difficult it was creating this blog and having to ask him for help.