The Lesson I Learned From A Cheerios Commerical

Today is January 14th. 2010 has started with tragedy. In Baltimore, Mayor Sheila Dixon has resigned, Teddy Pendergrass has passed and a 7.0 earth quake has destroyed Haiti. UNBELIEVEABLE

As the TV watched me, I was thinking of everything that has happened thus far and of everything that happened last year. I still don't know how I survived it all, emotionally or financially. But, I silently THANK THE CREATOR for providing me with strength, courage and friends who pushed me through it all. Then, this Cheerios commerical came on. It was a woman looking at herself in the mirror and the announcer said something like "instead of making changes to the outside of your body, why not start with the inside". "WOW" How many people really heard that.

Just as the commerical went off, Man-child walked into the room, pants hanging, one sock on and my Christmas slippers(he bought them for me but he has been wearing them since I opened the box) and his computer in hand. I SMILED :-) We have survived a lot - dirty room, going bald, bad grades, no graduation, counseling, the relatives from Hell, my long work days, cancelled vacation, and so much more. I thought I spent the entire year trying to change him but how many times have I looked inside. He is OK. I remembered promising to raise a God fearing man. And he is.

I never make New Year Resolutions because I always forget them after the first few days. Instead, I set three goals - First, become more health conscious. I did... lost 10 lbs and I am ok with it.. It's less and I've learned to give up, cut back and exercise more. Second, I became a Blogger. I am still amazed at the number of followers and supporters I've received. Thanks to Everyone. Last, I vowed to make Man-child more responsible - through thick and thin. I never took the time to look inside and see who he really was/is. He is, thus far, a respectable, fun, caring, lazy young man. He is a teen-ager, who is still learning.

All in all, I am looking forward to the things he will get into and I PRAY that I will have the strength and wisdom to guide him. I also Pray that I do not hurt him and have to reach out for bail money from friends. This year's goals -only one - RELAX, LISTEN and LOOK INSIDE MORE. I am really starting to like what I created.

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Acceptance

The New Year has started and I am looking forward to change and new beginnings and adventures. Before any of that can take place, I had to accept a few things. First, I am ok and I love who I am. Second, I can't and will not try to save, help, or rescue everyone (they have to learn to first help themselves) and Finally, Man-child is who he is and he is growing to be a something. The final product is still in the making.

As I prepared to end my vacation (which wasn't very relaxing), I told Man-child that he needed to find his backpack, uniforms and deorderant so that he will be ready for school. When I went in his room, I was hit with his mess. Stuff everywhere. I've talked about how I've found several sets of sheets on the bed (I wasn't clear when I said take the dirty ones off and put on clean ones), and the pillow case with sandwiches in glad bags or teh night table that was used as the hamper. Well, not much has changed.

He said "Mommy, I like my room the way it is .. It can't be clean all the time and I can find stuff". Standing with my hand on my hips I calmly stated "but all of your clothes on on the floor. How can you tell what is clean or dirty? Plus most of this stuff looks like it hasn't been washed at all". He said "that's cause you are not me - I promise when I move out I'll clean my room".

I thought about what he said for a long time. He is RIGHT. Why am I trying to make him clean his room.... ACCEPT IT. Most kids at this age are simple sloppy pigs. As long as he is ok with it, and it doesn't create bugs or rodents in my house, Accept it. I have vowed that I will enter his room only on a "need to" bases and he promises to keep his mess in his room only. The minute I see or think I see a bug or creature of ANY KIND the exterminators will be called and he has to keep the room the way I SAY.

Acceptance

Lesson #2 - "What Had Happened Was..." Or Taking Ownership For Your Actions

Yesterday was report card night at Man-child's school. I was soo not looking forward to this. I know he is a good student but there is something about getting that report card that makes my stomach turn. As we drove in the car, Man-child started "Mommy, before you get upset, let me tell what had happened was.... ". From that point on, I shut him out cause I knew I did not want to hear excuses. Then I turned him back on so that I would not be too shocked.

I was surprise to see the large turn out of parents. Man-child attends a Charter school that focuses on SAT and College Preparatory courses. After the introduction by the principal and a few reminders about the Flu vaccines, everyone began their search for teachers. Most of the teachers looked like they just came from Iraq - there were very few smiles, a lot of crossed arms, and tight lips. The slow throb in my head had begun.

Man-child directed me to his Technology teacher. The first thing the teacher said was "I am really the librarian teaching this course". OK..... He proceeded to tell me that Man-child was one of his better student but "what had happened was... ". HUH... He explained his grading system and what Man-child needed to do the bring his grade up. I thanked him and we moved on. Next, I spoke with the science teacher, sports director, and health teacher. Things were not going to bad.

Yet, I noticed that as we waited to speak with each teacher, every child, as they tried to explain their grades, began his/her explanation with "what had happened was...". As the parents listened, I notice that the majority believed the child's explanation. Hmmmm .... I thought about this for a minute. A few of the explanations I thought were bold faced lies but it was not my child. I also listened to a few parents say the same thing as they attempted to explain why their child had missed an assignment or two. Since I regularly visit Man-child's school, (yes, I am that parent that sits in the back of the classroom at least once a month), I knew what to expect from him and his teachers.

What bothered me the most was the manner in which everyone made it easy to accept the excuse that followed the statement. No one questioned it or was willing to take ownership for his/her mistake. It started with the student, the parent and a few of the teachers. I began to wonder whether passing the blame has become that much of the norm for today's youth. My head began to ache a little bit more as we waited and I listened to all of the conversations.

I was not pleased with Man-child's grades and he knew I would not be. However, I was proud of him because he took ownership for his grades. He said " Mommy I just did not do the work because I didn't". I was angry but I did not get an excuse. Of course, we were the last to leave and I scheduled appointments to meet with two teachers and the principal later. As soon as we got home, Man-child put his laptop on my bed. (He knew what was coming) At that point I realized that I was doing something right. Lesson learned... "Take ownership for your actions and stand by you decision - good or bad". And Man-child had definately done that.

I Remember.....

Today is Man-child's Fourteenth Birthday. WOW!!! Hallelujah!!!

I Remember.... going to the Inner Harbor everyday for lunch and having 1/2 lbs of steamed Shrimp with cole slaw and prune juice (Never had morning sickness) with his godmom, Paulette, who gained 20 lbs. (BTW, I gained 75 lbs and never regretted it)

I Remember...My MOM spoiling me with Steak every evening for dinner

I Remember... when my water broke - I had to have a tuna sandwich.

I Remember...breaking the rail on the hospital bed, because I was determined not to scream and yell so I just beat the crap out of the bed.

I Remember... my Aunt, Annette, arriving and playing the ocean water tape to relax me but it actually drove me crazy

I Remember ... after 22 hrs, begging for the epidural - and being scared

I Remember...having the c-section performed- and being scared

I Remember....when the Doctor placed him on my chest and he immediately began to nurse

I Remember... in the recovery room, Barry White's song "My First, My Last, My Everything" was playing on the radio and thinking "He is Soooo Right"

I Remember... crying - from being so overwhelmed with joy and Love - that I could not stop

I Remember... promising to raise him to be a God Fearing, Honest, Responsible, and Loving Man.

Happy Birthday to Brandon Geoffrey Bronson!!! Love ya more than words can express :-)

Man-child's Hair

I have discussed this many times in the last few weeks and I finally decided to put it to paper, sort to speak. Sometime back in early September, Man-child asked if he could get a Jheri Curl put into his hair. I ignored him. A few days later, he asked for a Mulette (ya know, that hair style Billy Ray Cyrus wore when he sang Achy Breaky Heart) - I ignored him again. Then, he asked for a perm.... OK.. What the Heck is going on!!!

I asked him "what in the Hayle is wrong with you"? Mind you, his hair is short, thick and mattered to his head. (think Sheep's Behind thick) Then I thought, "OK, he has been playing that Rock legend/Rock Band thingy and he wants to look like a Rock Star. He said "no, I just want my hair to be long". I ask, "Well, is it a girl that you are trying to impress". Again, he said "NO". Hmmmm.... I can clearly see that he is not happy.

I posted on line for advice from my Sistah friends. Of course, everyone laughed and said it's just a phase. I think the best recommendation was to let him get a perm and turn the water off so he could not rinse it out. (Honestly, it sounded good but I could not let him suffer like that -LOL) I also got the standard "Been there, done that" comment. Hmmmm .. .. do I continue to ignore him or go ahead and let him get a perm. So, I asked him again and he said "Mommy I think my hair line is receeding". I went through the "Not at 13 yrs old. speech and if it is receeding -THANKS TO MICHAEL JORDAN, Bald is sexy. I pointed out the rappers Common, LL Cool J, and a load of other Bald Sexy Men. He looked at me and said "But Mommy Little John and those other rappers got good hair - -- STOP... Put on the breaks _ Little John is from another planet - let's not got there. I even looked at a couple of those hair growth products- NOT. They start at $40 and go up. Shampoo that promotes hair growth cost $29.95. Uggggg - I am frustrated and speechless.

So, I continued to look at this boy with this long, woolly hair. Saturday, he was trying to comb it and the teeth broke. I said nothing. He went to the store and bought two new combs and this purple colored hair grease. I said nothing. For the last two days mornings, I have watched him attempt to comb his hair and said nothing. When he came home from school today, MAN-CHILD had gotten his hair cut - it's cut close but not bald. I asked him "What happened?" he said I stopped on my way home and got it cut. I asked " Where did you get the money?" He said "I saved some of my lunch money". All I could do was KISS him on the top of his head.

Lesson 1 - Learning The Hard Way

Last Friday, Sept. 4Th, I was on my way to have lunch with my friend, Stephanie. It was a wonderful day and I was I was enjoying one of many furlough days from work. As Stephanie and I prepared to leave, I got a call from my mom - Man-child went to my job. She said she asked him whether he had enough money to get home and he said "I'm alright". Hmmmmm something was up and I just had that feeling that something was not right. I called him on his cell phone and I got no answer. I left with Stephanie to take care of a few errands.

I was trying to enjoy my time with my friend but I could not let go of that nagging feeling that something was not right. I called Man-child's phone several times and I still got no answer. As the afternoon progressed, I got quiet. Where in the Heck could he be? One hour later, no Man-child and he still was not answering his phone. Two hours later - no Man-child. I am thinking - do I go look for him but where? Is he out with new friends? Did he spend his money? Too many questions and not a clue of where this child could be. My mom was calling me every 30 minutes with reports of "He ain't home yet!!" DUH - I know but what do you want me to do!! Stephanie, in her very quiet voice said, "Sis, I'll drive and we can go look for him if you want". I said "I know but where would we look? If he is walking, there are a million routes he could have taken". We sat and Stephanie keep me busy.

Almost three hours later, my Mom called and said he was home. After taking a breath and saying a quiet Hallelujah, I was better. When I walked in the house, he was sitting at the table - eating. I said nothing. I listened to him tell my mom that he forgot I was home. He used his bus card to get to my job, spent his money on food and forgot to charge is cell phone so he could not call. Finally I said "why didn't you call collect from a pay phone?". His response "I saw a homeless person standing next to one so I kept walking". "Well, what happened to the money I gave you for an emergency"? He said "Oh, I was thirsty, so I spent it". To give you an idea of how far he walked - it is a total of 6 1/2 miles from downtown Baltimore. After he ate, I watched him soak his feet, (he had on dress shoes not sneakers) and then he went to sleep.

One week later - today, it is raining buckets outside. Man-child left out of the house with no jacket, hat or umbrella. I just looked at him. Should I be worried? Not today. As the elders have said for generations " A Hard Head Makes For a Soft Behind" - Praying as he learns these lessons the Hard Way!! I just pray I survive.