Man-child's New Job

            Man child started his summer job through the city’s youth works program.  We are very excited because he has applied in the past and has never been selected.  The program is only for 6 weeks but it is better than nothing.

                Preparing for this summer job came with my usual reminders and hints – make sure you have something clean to wear; make sure you have all your paper work together; be sure to check the bus schedule so you know when to leave and how long it takes to get there; make sure you have exact bus fare; make sure you have your cell phone and it’s charged; and if you are not taking lunch, make sure you have money to buy something to eat.  I got the usual response “I know Ma”.  Man child asked “do you think I should set my alarm clock?”  My reply “Yes, since you will be heading to college in a few months, you need to get in the habit of setting your clock and getting YOURSELF up cause I am NOT going to be there”.

                The big day arrived and at 5:45 am his alarm clock rang and I heard him hit the snooze button.  For the next 20 minutes the clock sounded every five minutes and he hit the snooze button.  I sat at the dining room table, drinking my tea, wondering how long I should let this continue.  Finally, at 6:20 am, he headed to the bathroom.  Then, he decided that the shirt he wanted to wear needed to be washed. He ran to the basement to put a small load in the washer.  I said nothing.  At 7:15 am, he was looking for his hair brush, the iron and his wallet.  I asked again, “do you have everything you need and enough money?”  His reply “Ma, I got this”. 

                I left my house for work at 7:45 am.  Man child was still running around in this underwear.  I estimated that he should have left the house by 8:15 am to catch his bus at 8:25 am.  It is about a 20 minute bus ride so he should arrive at the job site on time.  I sat on the train with my kindle reading a scripture to start my day.  Then, I let out a HUGE breath and I said a prayer for my Man- child.

And the next journey begins.....

Now that school is out, Man child and I have been having long detailed conversations about setting goals, staying on task, independence and a whole lot of other things.  I will admit – I am nervous as heck but I have FAITH that I have prepared him enough for this next journey in his life.  What I did not see was his new found interest in my next journey.

A few days ago, I went out with some friends.  That’s no big deal because I go out often and many times by myself.  But this time it was different.  First, Man-child was very critical of what I put on (It was a Semi-formal All White Affair) and he offered to iron my blouse.   He must have told me three times to call home to let him know I arrived safely- he has NEVER done that.  Nevertheless, I called home to let him know I arrived and jokingly, I told him not to have any girls in the house and if he did, to keep the noise down since his grandmother was downstairs.  We laughed and he told me to have fun.

When I got home, somewhere after midnight, Man-child greeted me at the door.  He gave me a hug and began to sniff. Here’s our conversation:

Me:  what are you doing?

MC: Making sure you weren't drinking

Me: Boy, what’s your problem?  You know I don’t drink when I am driving.

MC: Did you have fun?

Me: yes

MC: Who was there?

Me: People

MC: Did you dance?

Me:  Yes

MC:  with who?

Me: Did you have company over?

MC:  No, I was in battle tournament on the computer

Me: did you check on your grandmother?

MC: Yes, Gramps is fine. Why are you trying to change the subject?  Who did you meet and was dancing with?

At that point, I told him to get out of my way so that I could get ready for bed.  After I showered, he came into my bedroom and said “So this is what it’s going to be like when I go to college”.  I thought about it for a few minutes and said “yep”.  He replied “I am not going to like this”. 

And so the journey has begun….

Thank You

   I have been writing this blog in my head for an entire month and it has been difficult.  Looking back, just over Man-child’s high school years, I still wonder how we were able to get through it.  His first girl-friend, the break-up, her being admitted in a psyc hospital, the up and down grades, sports try-out, teacher’s conferences, dances, mentoring programs, Man-child hair drama, one uncle’s death and the other being shot, invasion of the Rugrats, college visits, SAT –ACT test, college applications, proms, and finally GRADUATION.  I am sure there is more that my mind cannot remember or refuses to acknowledge. 

   Through it all I GIVE THANKS to the CREATOR for trusting me to raise one of his sons.  I THANK him for giving me strength, courage, and FAITH.  I THANK him for providing me with AWESOME Sistah Friends from every corner of the United States for showering us with support, comforting words, friendship and Love.  I THANK Man-child for being my son and I will continue to PRAY that he continues to mature to be an AWESOME man of God.  I THANK the CREATOR for being the Almighty.   

A Family Mile-stone

WOOOOOSHHAAAAAAAA….. We have 47 days till graduation.  47… this is so surreal to me right now.  This is a HUGE event for a lot of reasons.  First, Man-child is about to step out into young adult hood.  I will find out whether or not all of the preaching, yelling, crying and praying has sunk into that hard head of his.  Like all parents, I am nervous and scared but like always, I have FAITH that all is well.   I know he will make mistakes and FALL… I just pray that he uses the wisdom I have given him and his FAITH will see him through it all.

Second, Man-child will be the FIRST of my mother’s eleven grandchildren to graduate from high school.  My nieces and nephews, there are six who are older than Man-child, dropped out of high school.  The girls eventually obtained their GED’s and are working and doing OK.  My nephews… we are still praying for them.   As many know, my nieces and nephews have been subjected to a lot from their parents.  At various times, they have lived with me and my mom.  Throughout it all, I have tried to keep things constant in their lives and I have put them first, sometime above Man-child.  But, in the end, they made their choices and they have to live with them – good and bad.  I have continued to support and encourage them.

Yes, this will be a BIG event for many reasons.  I Pray that this mile-stone will encourage Man-child to reach for Bigger and greater things in his life and that it encourage my nieces and nephew under him to REACH for higher ground.    

Sigh

Since freshman year, Man-child and I have been visiting colleges and university.  I cannot tell you how exciting it has been visiting all of the schools.  Needless to say, he has never been impressed with any of them.  His response has always been “Ma, they're just buildings with people”.

Now it is senior year.  SIGH.  Man-child has been applying to schools up and down the East Coast.  After reviewing our finances, we agreed that he could go to any school in the state and live on campus.  I have been trying to stay in the back ground because I want him to be independent and make the decision on his own.  The letters arrive and the excitement begins.  Man-child was accepted at Frostburg State College, Salisbury State College, Chaney, University of Maryland-Eastern Shore, Virginia State, University of Bridgeport, University of Maryland-College Park, University of Baltimore, Capital College, University of West Virginia, Hampton and Morgan State University.  Impressive list – right??   The problem - he still does not know what school he wants to attend .

SIGH.  I have asked nicely.  He said “Ma, I got this”.  I stated “Geoff, made a decision”.  He said “I got this”.  My patience are running out.  After spring break, things will really start moving fast – Senior Farewell, Senior Week, Prom (which has already said he is going alone), and all those other activities.  SIGH.  Not to mention, I am trying to keep up with my school work, keep an eye on my brother, who still refuses to believe he is disabled, and my niece and the Rugrats.  SIGH. 

I ask Everyone to extend their hand in my direction and send me Strength and Patience until June 1 – Graduation Day.   

Too many chiefs....

      I know you have heard the saying “too many chiefs, too little Indians”. Well, I learned the meaning of that the hard way.   Many people know that I help raise two nieces and two nephews. It was not an easy task to do.  Even though they lived with me and my mother majority of the time, they assumed they could live by their own rules.  Then, their parents, my brothers and their ex’s and other relatives, would add their two cents on how to raise them. It lead to confusion, frustration, and anger.  I was always called to “fix” everybody’s mess.   Eventually, I learned to just be quiet and step aside.

      My niece and her Rugrats have had to move back in with me.   They wear “Auntie Grandma” out in more ways than one. (Smile)   I am watching my niece, my mom and Man- child battle over how to raise them.  My niece and mom agree on just about everything but Man-child steps in and gives his opinion.  For instance, the kids like to come home from school, eat and watch TV.  Man-child said “Do your homework then you can eat and watch TV”.  My niece says “Well they need a break and they can get it done”.  Well, it doesn't get done and they are usually up at 7 pm trying to finish homework instead of going to bed.   My niece will allow the kids to eat snacks before dinner.  Man-child takes them and hides the snacks so they have to ask him for snacks.  It goes on and on. 

       I am often called to settle the arguments.  I have to tell Man-child that he can give his opinion but remember, he is not the parent.  He puffs his chest out and says “NO, they need to learn the right way or they won’t get it at all”.   I laugh at all them even though it drives me crazy.  The kids often look at their mom and Man-child and then come to me to tell them what to do.  I try to stay out of it.

     More than anything, it has made me look at Man-child in a different light – again.  I think where did he get it from?  I wonder “Is this how I treated him? Was I that bad?” Hmmmm…. It makes me wonder.  Then, it makes me raise my eyebrows at what kind of parent he is going to be – although he says he will never have kids after living with the Rugrats.   Laugh, laugh, laugh…how many times have I heard that one.  At any rate, after seeing him with the kids, I think he is going to be an awesome parent – PRAYFULLY, a long time from now.  

What I learned today

        WOW!! Thirty-three days of the New Year have already passed and it has been very exciting.  I celebrated my 50^th Birthday.  I did not want a lot of fan-fare.  I was extremely Happy and Excited with all the birthday wishes and a few surprises.

        The next big event occurred today.  Man-Child had to give a presentation at a PTA retreat.  He had to speak on his experience on the board as the Student representative. He stated that he did not realize how important parents and volunteers work to make sure that students get a good education.  Man-child stated that he learned a lot about rules, bylaws, funding and how much it cost to get an education.  He was asked “if you were CEO, what would you implement to make schools better for students"?   He stood there and thought for a few minutes then he said “there needs to be a better way for teachers to relate to students electronically.  I know that finding money to put computers in class rooms is hard but students are more in tune with computers and electronic and the old way of learning is not working and students are not paying attention”.   Everyone clapped and he just smiled.

    I cannot tell you how PROUD I was of Man child at that moment.  I was worried that he would not know what to say.  He proved me wrong.  I saw him in a different light today.  He really is not my little boy anymore and letting go is getting difficult for me to do.  He is a very knowledgeable young man. 

   I THANK GOD for Man-child.

        I THANK GOD for blessing me with one of his children to nurture and care for.

             I THANK GOD every day that I did not give up on him when things were rough.

                 I THANK GOD for All of my Sistah friends who supported and encouraged me during those rough times.

                         I THANK GOD!!