Man-Child's Summer

Needless to say, it has been a long summer. Since Man-child had to complete work he failed to do during the school year, I cancelled all activity for the summer. Even though it has not been very humid, it has been hot in this house. As a matter of fact, for the first two weeks, he would not speak to me.

When the summer enrichment program began, he hit the ceiling. Then all H*ll broke when he found out he had to read "The Secret Life of Bees". WT* Man-child was near tears. "Why I gotta read this girl book", he yelled. I told him " suck it up and read. And there is no such thing as a girl book". The temperature got even HOTTER.

I watched him read. He threw the book. He tried to hide it but I bought two extra copies. He even tore a few pages out of one book. After three weeks, he finished it and then he had to write a character analysis. I thought "OMG, this is going to be a disaster". Once again, he surprised me. Man-child's paper talked about how he could relate to Rosaleen, the character played by Jennifer Hudson. He stated that she was very smart and knowledgeable. Everyone thought she was slow and not aware of what was going on. He said that she was very smart. She just had a different way of doing things. Man-child said that he felt like her because everyone assumes that he is smart and on target when he is simply trying to figure things out the way that he wants to do it. He talked about how people always look at people and think they know all about you instead of getting to know you and letting you figure things out on your own. I WAS SPEECHLESS. He teacher was very impressed.

I returned his laptop and video games until the High School Summer Program starts on August 3. He kissed me and yelled as if it were Christmas. Then he did something that really shocked me. He said "Mommy, where are all those Harry Potter books?" I pulled the books from the shelf and gave them to him. Tonight, when I thought he was lost in Runescape on the computer or somewhere trying his hand at anime art, he was reading the first Harry Potter book.

Boy... I still have a lot to learn.

It's July -Now What?

It's July. So much has happened this year. The year started off pretty good with me setting goals and putting one foot in front of the other and actually getting them accomplished (one being to start blogging) My brother and his family (that's 7 people) moved in with me. I can not begin to talk about the good, bad and ugly of that. Man-child is always trying to find new and creative ways to deceive me - gee, I am glad I was not born yesterday. My biggest disappointment with him was not being able to see him participate in the graduation ceremony. (I guess thinking on it now - I am glad it was the 8Th grade ceremony and not High School). The doctor gave me blood pressure pills - this is a battle I have been fighting with for over a year so I wasn't really surprised when it finally happened. My weight has plateaued -it's been the same for the past six months. I missed a few book signings and girl-friend get-togethers that I really wanted to attend. My reading Mojo has dropped - the desire has not been there lately. There has been several celebrity deaths that have left me speechless - Farrah Fawcett (yes, I wanted hair like her back in the day) and Michael Jackson - I won't comment on his death because I could not say anything more to what has already been said. I had to endure furlough days but THANKFUL I was able to go to work each day and enjoyed the stress of it.

So now, I sigh.... What's next for the remainder of the year. Well, I am going to get back up on my horse and keep on going... My brother and family has moved out; Man-child is still on lock down (which puts me on lock down too but I plan on taking little trips for me); juggling and thinking about refinancing; jazzed up my resume (never know what I may find); second goal to accomplish - STOP BITTING MY NAILS -I wanta get a manicure :-) ; restructure my homemade weight lose plan and do something different; look forward to what comes next.

What do you have planned??

Choices And Accountablity

June has been a very busy month for me. I was preparing for the graduations of my niece and nephew from elementary school; my great niece from nursery school and of course, Man-child from middle school. I learned 4 days before his graduation that although Man-child had enough credits to graduate, he did not take his final exam. He said "He choose not take it". The school administrators decided to give him a project to complete to satisfy his requirement. He fooled around and did a half A&* job. As a result he was not allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony. I was PISSED and I was prepared to let him repeat the 8th grade. But I quickly remembered "It was his choice". I insisted that he be held accountable for his actions. The schools administrator agreed to let him complete two projects as part of his summer enrichment program to satisfy the requirement. If I allow him to think that he will be given second chances and he can skirt by, then I am not doing my job as a parent. His choice has cost him his summer vacation, his computer and all graduation money. I can not and will not allow him to think that doing just enough is good enough and he has to be ACCOUNTABLE for everything that he does.

Next, we have been preparing for my brother and his family to move. Hallelujah. They found a town house that was one hour away from me. Each day they encounter a new problem - more money, problem with the house, and more. My brother said "We should have choose something else". I discovered that they make a lot of decisions with out thinking them over. Now, they are being held accountable for it.

What did I learn - I will go the extra mile to be successful and to help anyone that is in need. I reflected on Matthew 5:41 However, the choices and decision that we make will have a never lasting impact on the things you do tomorrow. You also have to be ACCOUNTABLE for every action and decision that you make.

I Heard What You Said....

I can not believe that we are 2 weeks away from the end of the 2008-2009 school year. In summary, it was HELL. Man-child started off eager to finish the year and plan for high School. By October, the excitement was gone. I started my Mantra... "The grade you get now will have an impact on the high school you select. Keep your grades up". I must have said this everyday - did he listen - NO!!! In Thanksgiving, a student was killed at a school that is located next door to his school. Man-child shut down. He refused to do any school and refused to go to school for 4 days. Well... I began calling everyone, seeking help, counseling, therapy.. you name it, I took advantage of it. His response -"Just leave me ALONE". SIGH January brought a new attitude, but some spitefulness and I am still repeating my Mantra to him. By February, my brother and his family moved in (you'll have to revisit previous blogs from February) - OH BOY!!! Talk about DRAMA and FAMILY DRAMA at that.... I am still repeating my Mantra and seeking any type of help. By spring break, all of the top high school that he wanted to attend did not accept him because of his mediocre grades. DOUBLE SIGH At this point, I am praying 'cause I know now that somewhere I lost focused. PRAY ......PRAY.....PRAY

In the midst of all this drama, his principal calls me and says, "Man-child is extremely bright and I have to agree that maybe our school was not a challenge for him". I'm like -DUH!!!! He continued and stated that despite his grades, (and they were bad), Man-child scored in the top 5 percentile of all B'more city in the standardized test. He also qualified and passed with a score of 82% on the High School assessment test for Algebra I and English I. DUH again...

So, what does all of this mean? Man-child will be promoted to High School and it will be a school of my choice. He will also be place in an advance placement courses. When we sat down and went through everything that happened this year - his attitude, grades, etc. , he said "I heard what You said, I just wasn't listen"

When am I ever going to learn?!! Sigh

Annual Cleaning Of Man-Child's Room

This weekend, Man-child went camping with his scout troop. Hallelujah!!! We needed a break from each other. I made a list of all the things I wanted to do - movie, visit some friends, very LONG Bubble bath, sleep late, take a nap and go shopping. YEAH!!!! Needless to say, I didn't do any of them. I took the time to clean Man-child's room.

Mind you, before he left, he said he cleaned it. I've learned from past experience that my son is very creative in cleaning (remember the multiple sets of sheets on his bed) . I got all of my cleaning supplies and I was ready for combat.

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought. On the upside, I found his remote to the t.v. (he has been looking for that for a month), his house keys ( I had another set made), his calculator, computer flash drive, wireless remote to the computer and the case for MY cellphone. On the downside, I found 8 plastic water bottles, 3 soda cans, 6 forks, 2 spoons, one green sandwich, 2 letters from his teacher (addressed to me from March that I am not going to follow up on), and three bath towels (well that's a good thing compared to last year when I found a dozen). So I am thinking, NOT BAD!! I also took the time to go through his closet and purged clothes that he could not wear or have not worn. I found at least 4 pair of pants with tags still on them and a few shirts. (Made of list of things to buy for the summer -- Uggggg )

All in all, I was exhausted but it felt good. After I thought about it ... this was a piece of cake compared to last year. When he came home, he just Thanked me for finding all the lost goods and returned to ignoring me. Prayerfully, there will be a day when I won't have to clean his room.

By the way, I did take an extra LONG Bubble Bath. :-)

Bonding with Man-child

I am always trying to find different ways to bond with my son. We are really oil and vinegar - he likes math,I like like english; he likes anime cartoons, I like the Flintstones; he prefers to play video games, I love to read.

Sunday, I asked him to teach me how to play a video game. Man-child saved his money and purchased that Guitar Hero game (I know I am not saying it right) for his computer. It the same game that the Nintendo WII has but now there is one for the computer. He showed me how to hold the guitar and press all of the colors. It really seemed simple, so I was ready to play a song. Man-child said "Let's start with the Tutorial". "NO.. I wanna play a song". After looking at the selections, I was like "DUH - these are all rock n roll songs. Don't they have any R &B. He reminded me that it was Rock legends. We go through the list again and I recognize a song by the Rollin Stones. Needless to say, I could not play one correct note on the Tutorial. I must have tried it 5 times. We went back over it again -and I was beginning to see his frustration, so I said "you do it and let me watch". The boy is a PRO. He went right to expert level and went through 3 songs. I went back to the Tutorial and this time I got 3 right notes. I was soo happy. He just said "OK, are you done yet?" That was my hint - bonding time is over.

I've been thinking about that day all week and I have to admit it was fun. We spent about an hour and a half together and I still can't play the game. I'll probably wait a while before I ask to play again. Maybe I finish the Tutorial... :-)

Raising Him Alone

On Saturday, April 18, 2009, I attended the 6th Annual Heal A Woman Heal A Nation Conference at Coppin State University. Co-directors Mothyna James-Brightful and Monoka Tyson of Heal A Woman stated that they strive to rejuventate, re-energize and revitalize the life of sisterhood since we are our sister's keeper, her best friend, her confidant, her reflection and her support. The purpose of the conference is to empower woman to encourage the growth of our communities. The workshops, which I found every exciting were entitled, Taking Care of Me First, Rejuvenating The Dream, Balancing Goals And Decisions, and Creating A Balanced Life.

The portion of the conference that I was interested in was entitled Raising Him Alone. Raising Him Alone is a separate organization that supports single mothers. It is a fact that 85% of households in the US are headed by single parents and most of those are single mothers. They also give support to men who are learning to be fathers or are trying to reconnect with their children. Events have been given in Chicago, New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, and Virginia. The workshops included: Father Factor: Addressing the Pain of Our Sons Experiencing An Absent Father; Coping With The Day to Day Struggles of Being A Single Mother: Making Ends Meet On A Tight Budget and A Mother's Role in Supporting Manhood Development. I attended all of these workshops and I learned soooo much about the decisions I have made and the impact that they have had on me and Man-Child.

The luncheon was the best part of the conference (ok - the food was ok). During the luncheon, there was a panal of Celebrity MOMS. Dr. Malalia A. Hines, Principal of John Hope College Prep High School in Chicago and Mother of Hip Hop Artist and Actor Common; Dr. Brenda Green, Professor of English and Executive Director of the Center for Black Literatur at Medgar Evers College and Mother of Hip Hop Artist Talib Kweli; Sheron Smith, Author and Motivational Speaker and Mother of Hip Hop Artist Mos Def; Meshelle Forman Shields, Actress, Comedienne and Motivational Speaker, Cassandra Mack, Founder and CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living and Dana Bankins, grandmother who raised Five Sons.

Each of these woman were very open and honest as they shared with the audience their personal trials of raising boys. They discussed fathers, abuse, fighting gangs, decision making, dealing with the court system, facing jail time with their sons, over compensating with gifts, faith, importance of prayer, taking care of self, reaching out for help, and knowing when enough is enough. I found Dr. Mahaila Hines to be wonderful. She encouraged All mothers to take a personal look at themselves to find the answers to many of the questions we had on raising our sons.

The day was very refresing, and as they stated at the beginning of the conference, REJUVENATING. I met a lot of mothers with sons in jail, hospitals, dealing with children with ADHD, teen fathers, those trying to accept and understand sexual orientation, and so much more. The one common theme, though every circumstance was different, we were looking for support and encouragement for our sons. I grabbed many handouts, collected several free books, 10 Steps out of Puberty: A Teen's Guide to Successful Living by LaMarr Shields, Raising Hi Alone by David Miller; The Single Mom's Little Book of Wisdom by Cassandra Mack; and an audio book "Raising God's Children Alone". The only disappointing part for me was that many of the programs offered were for boys between the age of 10- 12 or 14-18. I questioned "What happens to 13 yr olds?" However, I did get a couple of leads for mentoring programs and tutoring groups that I plan to look into.

When I chose the name for this blog, I never thought that there was an organization dedicated to helping single mothers. I am glad my Sistah-friends encouraged me to write about some of my experiencing so that I may also be able to help others as others have helped me.

Please checkout their website www.raisinghimalone.com for more information and locations of conference near you.