Reflection

I have been thinking all day about the upcoming school year. Man-child will be in HIGH SCHOOL. What an accomplishment - homework, arguments with teacher, christian school, projects - and that was just elementary school. Middle school was horrible - hormones, dealing with death, students being killed, gangs, bad grades, computer games and so much more. I wonder - AM I READY. REALLY READY!!

Most of last week, I spent doing what I've done at the beginning of every school year - search for a mentor, big brother or program suitable for Man-child. Raising him has been my greatest joy despite all of the headaches. Raising him without male guidance has been an even bigger challenge. I can not tell you how much I miss our friend Mike because he was always there when I never really realized that I needed him. Man-child took forever to get over his sudden death. I think back to the Million Man March and how thousands of men pledged to "be there" for their younger brothers. Well, let me tell you, it still ain't happening.

I have been to plenty of workshops for single moms. Everyone says "look at family members as role members". I have two cousins that Man-child adores but they are often too busy with their lives to spend that quality male time with him. Males in church have volunteered but that fell before it was even picked up. I have signed up for every program you can imagine. One big brother showed up once and then changed his number. I have had my sistah-friends from all across the country searching for programs and every program has failed. SIGH

I try to do my best but it's hard because after all, I am a MOM. I can't tell him men stuff though I try to go my best. As we went shopping, he was looking at Cologne and I asked him to pick out what he wanted. He backed away and said that's OK. When I picked out what I liked, said it smelled like flowers. I buy pants that fit with very little room but most teens wear them too baggy. How do we compromise? I don't like the constant arguments with Man-child. I know some of it is teen-age hormone and the rest is lack of male companionship. I look at my brothers and see how they could have been better men if they had the proper male guidance. There are plenty of single moms that have raised sons. I can imagine the tears they have shed to get them to where they are.

As I get ready for this new milestone in our lives, I will continue to PRAY for strength, guidance and patience. I LOVE HIM with all my HEART. I just hope that it is enough to Raise my Man-child.

Practicing What You Preach

Everyone knows about my battle with Man-child and his bedroom. The rule of the house is "Your room is Your Space to do what ever you want; however, it can not resemble or smell like a pig's pen". I can not tell you the battles we have had and the trash I have carted out of his room in the last year.

Two days ago, I went to his room to ask him a question and I stopped in my tracks. There were clothes everywhere, water bottles, paper and stuff. UGGGG ... I could not go past the door. I simply turned and left. He came running ... "Mommy, I know what you are going to say and Imma' clean my room later today. I promise". I said nothing. After all, what else could I say that has not been said before. So, I went to my bedroom and then I had to stop again in my tracks. OMG!!! My room was a mess.

Since I have been working extra hours at the bookstore, I have been too tired to clean and things have just settled where ever I've dropped them. I had about six pairs of sandals and two pairs of sneakers in the middle of the floor; at least three weeks of mail on the dresser that I needed to sort; a pile of blouses that needed to go to the dry cleaners; I'd purchased some new bed pillows,towels and wash cloths and they were still in the bags in the corner;a laundry basket that needed to be folded; my niece's toys (from the weekend I babysat); and a stack of books that I'd read and did not place on the shelves; and five empty water bottles. I was GUILTY of being a slob.

So, I cleaned my room. It took me two hours and it looks sooo much better. Man-child came in my room and said "Dang, What happened in here"? I said "What are you talking about"? We just looked at each other real goofy like for a minute and he walked away. When I came home from work the next day, half of his room was cleaned.

Can you see me SMILE!!