Me, Man-child And The Visitor....

Two nights ago, I had a chance to just relax and do nothing. After taking a shower and fixing a cup of peppermint tea, I curled up in bed with a book. I was distracted. At first I just thought I was tired and I was seeing spots; but it happened again. Something moving in the corner. Then, I saw it - A MOUSE!! WT* "Uggggggg.....", I screamed and called Man-child. He came from his room with a bag of popcorn in his hand. "What's wrong Mommy", he says. " I just saw a mouse in the corner". He says " Oh yeah, it's been running around for a while, I thought you knew". WT*

At that point, I can not tell you what was going on in my head. I jumped up and started moving everything. I grabbed the broom, mop and pine-sol. the entire time I am yelling and screaming at him "What do you mean - its been runnign around for a while? Why didn't you say something? why didn't you try to catch it? where did it come from? How the Heck did it get in here?" I was throwing questions at him a mile a minute. He just stood off to the side, scratching his behind and looking at me like some crazy woman.

We cleaned his room, my room, three closets and a kitchen closet. We made soo much noise, my Mom, how lives downstairs, called to ask what was going on. When I told her, she said " Well, tell him to come get these traps - I don't want it down here". We cleaned until 1 am. After another shower, I climbed into bed but I still could not sleep. I kept seeing stuff move on the floor. I keep turning the light on and off; the tv - on and off. I must have done this until 4 am when I finally went to sleep. In the morning, I ran around checking every mouse trap we set... NOTHING.

All I could do was look at Man-child. He just said "What!". You know it's HIS FAULT. I have been on Mouse patrol ever since. I told him - no popcorn, no eating in his room and every NO I could think of. Finally, this morning at 3 am, there it was wiggling and making all kinds of noise. I smacked Man-child and made him get the trap. He thought he was going to just put it in the garbage -"OH Hell To The NO - Take that sucker out of here".

I am breathing a little easier but I know I'll still be on mouse patrol for a few more nights. I also called the exterminator to come (like I have extra money). What's next? ........

Teenagers And Coats

Yesterday, Mother Nature blessed us with another 4 inches of snow. School was 2 hours late and I decided to be 2 hrs late too. As I sipped my tea, I watched Man-child shovel snow. It was 28 degrees and he had on his hoodie jacket and ear phones. I do not understand why he refuses to wear a coat. He has two. I think of all the warnings that were given about H1N1, covering your coughs, and safety precautions. Health officials were talking to the wrong group of people.

I started the winter yelling at him about his coat. Then I gave up. Remembering my 2010 mantra - Relax, Listen and Look Inside for Answers - I decided to just wait for the reason to manifest. After getting dressed for school, Man-child had a cup of tea (the only thing we have in common), gave me a kiss on the cheek, put his sweat shirt on over his uniform, grabbed his ear phones and he was gone. Hmmmmmmm... I just watched and said nothing.

As I sat on the subway, I noticed that all of the teenagers were dressed like Man-child, even the girls. I noticed kids with only sweaters, jackets that were not button or zipped, no hats, no scarfs, no socks, jackets that barely covered their stomachs and more muffins tops than I cared to look at. Hmmmmmmm.... what are we teaching these kids. Wait.. it's not the adults - we have on our coats, sweater, etc. They do know that it is COLD with SNOW on the ground. RELAX - I say to myself. Then I laughed as I remembered my mother yelling at Man-child "you'll think twice once Arthur starts knocking on your door". Man-child looked at her with that "Oh" so stupid "What" look on his face. Too Funny

Later that day, Man-child called me to say that he would be late. He wanted to play football in the snow. HUH!! He hates sports. He said he thought it would be fun. When he got home, the temperature had begun to drop and Man-child was soaking wet. All I could do was look at him. "I know, I know", he said. "Imma take my wet clothes off but Mommy it was kinda fun". Again I said nothing. What could I say. After taking a shower, he started to complain about his runny nose, ear ache and sore throat. AH HA... Lesson being taught but I hope he is paying attention. Somehow, I don't think so.... What do you think?

MY HOUSE

I recently celebrated my birthday. I had a really wonderful day. It also made my think of MY HOUSE. My house is FULL of Drama, Problems, Love, Laughter, Confusion, Hate, Jealousy and sooo much more. Let me explain....

In 2001, I purchased a duplex. At the time, it was a very good idea. I would move my mom in with me, since she was close to retirement (not to mention, I depended on her to be my live in babysitter) and Man-child and I would live upstairs. My Mom also cares for her brother, Uncle Mike, who is disabled. Simple, you would think - I did not factor in that EVERYONE comes to Grandma's house - ALL THE TIME. Since everyone comes to Grandma's house, there is always something going on. Everyone ASSUMES that they can spend over whenever they feel like it, move in, eat, do their laundry, or drop off their kids. Like most Grandmas, my Mom is there with welcoming arms.

At Grandma's house you will find, my neice Latrice and her three kids (Mykia, Jayden and MacKenzie) Grandma babysits while she works; Shanika with her daughter Mekhia (who is always between jobs and boyfriends but she always has money for her weave); Nephews Eddie and Dominique - both in high school and full of drama; and two of my brothers, Dennis and Sam, who both refuse to find "real" jobs (they just like to make up side jobs and work at will in between jail time); My other brother and the Texas Chain Gang moved back to Texas (I've shared that story in the past) and they call at least twice a week to say nothing. Everyone is jealous of one another, talks about each other and drives Aunt Pumpkin crazy in the midst of it all (by the way, I am Aunt Pumpkin)

In the past two years, I noticed that I have been given the title of "Bank of America". One of the pitfalls of being the oldest and only girl in the family. I just look at them all and say "I'll help with what I can and no more". At times, I have over extended my self (Lesson learned when the Texas chain Gang moved in) but then that evil "Project girl" comes out and everyone backs off. And where is Man-child - in the second floor apartment on his computer thinking of other ways to drive me crazy.

As I celebrated my birthday and I laughed at the presents I received from the kids, bubble gum bubble bath, coupons to Chucke Cheese, tickets to Disney on Ice, a gift card from Borders and another pair of slippers from Man-child, I realized that MY HOUSE is crazy and stressful, and at times, unbearable - but it is MY HOUSE. Keep us All in Prayer.

The Lesson I Learned From A Cheerios Commerical

Today is January 14th. 2010 has started with tragedy. In Baltimore, Mayor Sheila Dixon has resigned, Teddy Pendergrass has passed and a 7.0 earth quake has destroyed Haiti. UNBELIEVEABLE

As the TV watched me, I was thinking of everything that has happened thus far and of everything that happened last year. I still don't know how I survived it all, emotionally or financially. But, I silently THANK THE CREATOR for providing me with strength, courage and friends who pushed me through it all. Then, this Cheerios commerical came on. It was a woman looking at herself in the mirror and the announcer said something like "instead of making changes to the outside of your body, why not start with the inside". "WOW" How many people really heard that.

Just as the commerical went off, Man-child walked into the room, pants hanging, one sock on and my Christmas slippers(he bought them for me but he has been wearing them since I opened the box) and his computer in hand. I SMILED :-) We have survived a lot - dirty room, going bald, bad grades, no graduation, counseling, the relatives from Hell, my long work days, cancelled vacation, and so much more. I thought I spent the entire year trying to change him but how many times have I looked inside. He is OK. I remembered promising to raise a God fearing man. And he is.

I never make New Year Resolutions because I always forget them after the first few days. Instead, I set three goals - First, become more health conscious. I did... lost 10 lbs and I am ok with it.. It's less and I've learned to give up, cut back and exercise more. Second, I became a Blogger. I am still amazed at the number of followers and supporters I've received. Thanks to Everyone. Last, I vowed to make Man-child more responsible - through thick and thin. I never took the time to look inside and see who he really was/is. He is, thus far, a respectable, fun, caring, lazy young man. He is a teen-ager, who is still learning.

All in all, I am looking forward to the things he will get into and I PRAY that I will have the strength and wisdom to guide him. I also Pray that I do not hurt him and have to reach out for bail money from friends. This year's goals -only one - RELAX, LISTEN and LOOK INSIDE MORE. I am really starting to like what I created.

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Acceptance

The New Year has started and I am looking forward to change and new beginnings and adventures. Before any of that can take place, I had to accept a few things. First, I am ok and I love who I am. Second, I can't and will not try to save, help, or rescue everyone (they have to learn to first help themselves) and Finally, Man-child is who he is and he is growing to be a something. The final product is still in the making.

As I prepared to end my vacation (which wasn't very relaxing), I told Man-child that he needed to find his backpack, uniforms and deorderant so that he will be ready for school. When I went in his room, I was hit with his mess. Stuff everywhere. I've talked about how I've found several sets of sheets on the bed (I wasn't clear when I said take the dirty ones off and put on clean ones), and the pillow case with sandwiches in glad bags or teh night table that was used as the hamper. Well, not much has changed.

He said "Mommy, I like my room the way it is .. It can't be clean all the time and I can find stuff". Standing with my hand on my hips I calmly stated "but all of your clothes on on the floor. How can you tell what is clean or dirty? Plus most of this stuff looks like it hasn't been washed at all". He said "that's cause you are not me - I promise when I move out I'll clean my room".

I thought about what he said for a long time. He is RIGHT. Why am I trying to make him clean his room.... ACCEPT IT. Most kids at this age are simple sloppy pigs. As long as he is ok with it, and it doesn't create bugs or rodents in my house, Accept it. I have vowed that I will enter his room only on a "need to" bases and he promises to keep his mess in his room only. The minute I see or think I see a bug or creature of ANY KIND the exterminators will be called and he has to keep the room the way I SAY.

Acceptance

Lesson #2 - "What Had Happened Was..." Or Taking Ownership For Your Actions

Yesterday was report card night at Man-child's school. I was soo not looking forward to this. I know he is a good student but there is something about getting that report card that makes my stomach turn. As we drove in the car, Man-child started "Mommy, before you get upset, let me tell what had happened was.... ". From that point on, I shut him out cause I knew I did not want to hear excuses. Then I turned him back on so that I would not be too shocked.

I was surprise to see the large turn out of parents. Man-child attends a Charter school that focuses on SAT and College Preparatory courses. After the introduction by the principal and a few reminders about the Flu vaccines, everyone began their search for teachers. Most of the teachers looked like they just came from Iraq - there were very few smiles, a lot of crossed arms, and tight lips. The slow throb in my head had begun.

Man-child directed me to his Technology teacher. The first thing the teacher said was "I am really the librarian teaching this course". OK..... He proceeded to tell me that Man-child was one of his better student but "what had happened was... ". HUH... He explained his grading system and what Man-child needed to do the bring his grade up. I thanked him and we moved on. Next, I spoke with the science teacher, sports director, and health teacher. Things were not going to bad.

Yet, I noticed that as we waited to speak with each teacher, every child, as they tried to explain their grades, began his/her explanation with "what had happened was...". As the parents listened, I notice that the majority believed the child's explanation. Hmmmm .... I thought about this for a minute. A few of the explanations I thought were bold faced lies but it was not my child. I also listened to a few parents say the same thing as they attempted to explain why their child had missed an assignment or two. Since I regularly visit Man-child's school, (yes, I am that parent that sits in the back of the classroom at least once a month), I knew what to expect from him and his teachers.

What bothered me the most was the manner in which everyone made it easy to accept the excuse that followed the statement. No one questioned it or was willing to take ownership for his/her mistake. It started with the student, the parent and a few of the teachers. I began to wonder whether passing the blame has become that much of the norm for today's youth. My head began to ache a little bit more as we waited and I listened to all of the conversations.

I was not pleased with Man-child's grades and he knew I would not be. However, I was proud of him because he took ownership for his grades. He said " Mommy I just did not do the work because I didn't". I was angry but I did not get an excuse. Of course, we were the last to leave and I scheduled appointments to meet with two teachers and the principal later. As soon as we got home, Man-child put his laptop on my bed. (He knew what was coming) At that point I realized that I was doing something right. Lesson learned... "Take ownership for your actions and stand by you decision - good or bad". And Man-child had definately done that.