Reflection

I have been thinking all day about the upcoming school year. Man-child will be in HIGH SCHOOL. What an accomplishment - homework, arguments with teacher, christian school, projects - and that was just elementary school. Middle school was horrible - hormones, dealing with death, students being killed, gangs, bad grades, computer games and so much more. I wonder - AM I READY. REALLY READY!!

Most of last week, I spent doing what I've done at the beginning of every school year - search for a mentor, big brother or program suitable for Man-child. Raising him has been my greatest joy despite all of the headaches. Raising him without male guidance has been an even bigger challenge. I can not tell you how much I miss our friend Mike because he was always there when I never really realized that I needed him. Man-child took forever to get over his sudden death. I think back to the Million Man March and how thousands of men pledged to "be there" for their younger brothers. Well, let me tell you, it still ain't happening.

I have been to plenty of workshops for single moms. Everyone says "look at family members as role members". I have two cousins that Man-child adores but they are often too busy with their lives to spend that quality male time with him. Males in church have volunteered but that fell before it was even picked up. I have signed up for every program you can imagine. One big brother showed up once and then changed his number. I have had my sistah-friends from all across the country searching for programs and every program has failed. SIGH

I try to do my best but it's hard because after all, I am a MOM. I can't tell him men stuff though I try to go my best. As we went shopping, he was looking at Cologne and I asked him to pick out what he wanted. He backed away and said that's OK. When I picked out what I liked, said it smelled like flowers. I buy pants that fit with very little room but most teens wear them too baggy. How do we compromise? I don't like the constant arguments with Man-child. I know some of it is teen-age hormone and the rest is lack of male companionship. I look at my brothers and see how they could have been better men if they had the proper male guidance. There are plenty of single moms that have raised sons. I can imagine the tears they have shed to get them to where they are.

As I get ready for this new milestone in our lives, I will continue to PRAY for strength, guidance and patience. I LOVE HIM with all my HEART. I just hope that it is enough to Raise my Man-child.

Practicing What You Preach

Everyone knows about my battle with Man-child and his bedroom. The rule of the house is "Your room is Your Space to do what ever you want; however, it can not resemble or smell like a pig's pen". I can not tell you the battles we have had and the trash I have carted out of his room in the last year.

Two days ago, I went to his room to ask him a question and I stopped in my tracks. There were clothes everywhere, water bottles, paper and stuff. UGGGG ... I could not go past the door. I simply turned and left. He came running ... "Mommy, I know what you are going to say and Imma' clean my room later today. I promise". I said nothing. After all, what else could I say that has not been said before. So, I went to my bedroom and then I had to stop again in my tracks. OMG!!! My room was a mess.

Since I have been working extra hours at the bookstore, I have been too tired to clean and things have just settled where ever I've dropped them. I had about six pairs of sandals and two pairs of sneakers in the middle of the floor; at least three weeks of mail on the dresser that I needed to sort; a pile of blouses that needed to go to the dry cleaners; I'd purchased some new bed pillows,towels and wash cloths and they were still in the bags in the corner;a laundry basket that needed to be folded; my niece's toys (from the weekend I babysat); and a stack of books that I'd read and did not place on the shelves; and five empty water bottles. I was GUILTY of being a slob.

So, I cleaned my room. It took me two hours and it looks sooo much better. Man-child came in my room and said "Dang, What happened in here"? I said "What are you talking about"? We just looked at each other real goofy like for a minute and he walked away. When I came home from work the next day, half of his room was cleaned.

Can you see me SMILE!!

Man-Child's Summer

Needless to say, it has been a long summer. Since Man-child had to complete work he failed to do during the school year, I cancelled all activity for the summer. Even though it has not been very humid, it has been hot in this house. As a matter of fact, for the first two weeks, he would not speak to me.

When the summer enrichment program began, he hit the ceiling. Then all H*ll broke when he found out he had to read "The Secret Life of Bees". WT* Man-child was near tears. "Why I gotta read this girl book", he yelled. I told him " suck it up and read. And there is no such thing as a girl book". The temperature got even HOTTER.

I watched him read. He threw the book. He tried to hide it but I bought two extra copies. He even tore a few pages out of one book. After three weeks, he finished it and then he had to write a character analysis. I thought "OMG, this is going to be a disaster". Once again, he surprised me. Man-child's paper talked about how he could relate to Rosaleen, the character played by Jennifer Hudson. He stated that she was very smart and knowledgeable. Everyone thought she was slow and not aware of what was going on. He said that she was very smart. She just had a different way of doing things. Man-child said that he felt like her because everyone assumes that he is smart and on target when he is simply trying to figure things out the way that he wants to do it. He talked about how people always look at people and think they know all about you instead of getting to know you and letting you figure things out on your own. I WAS SPEECHLESS. He teacher was very impressed.

I returned his laptop and video games until the High School Summer Program starts on August 3. He kissed me and yelled as if it were Christmas. Then he did something that really shocked me. He said "Mommy, where are all those Harry Potter books?" I pulled the books from the shelf and gave them to him. Tonight, when I thought he was lost in Runescape on the computer or somewhere trying his hand at anime art, he was reading the first Harry Potter book.

Boy... I still have a lot to learn.

It's July -Now What?

It's July. So much has happened this year. The year started off pretty good with me setting goals and putting one foot in front of the other and actually getting them accomplished (one being to start blogging) My brother and his family (that's 7 people) moved in with me. I can not begin to talk about the good, bad and ugly of that. Man-child is always trying to find new and creative ways to deceive me - gee, I am glad I was not born yesterday. My biggest disappointment with him was not being able to see him participate in the graduation ceremony. (I guess thinking on it now - I am glad it was the 8Th grade ceremony and not High School). The doctor gave me blood pressure pills - this is a battle I have been fighting with for over a year so I wasn't really surprised when it finally happened. My weight has plateaued -it's been the same for the past six months. I missed a few book signings and girl-friend get-togethers that I really wanted to attend. My reading Mojo has dropped - the desire has not been there lately. There has been several celebrity deaths that have left me speechless - Farrah Fawcett (yes, I wanted hair like her back in the day) and Michael Jackson - I won't comment on his death because I could not say anything more to what has already been said. I had to endure furlough days but THANKFUL I was able to go to work each day and enjoyed the stress of it.

So now, I sigh.... What's next for the remainder of the year. Well, I am going to get back up on my horse and keep on going... My brother and family has moved out; Man-child is still on lock down (which puts me on lock down too but I plan on taking little trips for me); juggling and thinking about refinancing; jazzed up my resume (never know what I may find); second goal to accomplish - STOP BITTING MY NAILS -I wanta get a manicure :-) ; restructure my homemade weight lose plan and do something different; look forward to what comes next.

What do you have planned??

Choices And Accountablity

June has been a very busy month for me. I was preparing for the graduations of my niece and nephew from elementary school; my great niece from nursery school and of course, Man-child from middle school. I learned 4 days before his graduation that although Man-child had enough credits to graduate, he did not take his final exam. He said "He choose not take it". The school administrators decided to give him a project to complete to satisfy his requirement. He fooled around and did a half A&* job. As a result he was not allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony. I was PISSED and I was prepared to let him repeat the 8th grade. But I quickly remembered "It was his choice". I insisted that he be held accountable for his actions. The schools administrator agreed to let him complete two projects as part of his summer enrichment program to satisfy the requirement. If I allow him to think that he will be given second chances and he can skirt by, then I am not doing my job as a parent. His choice has cost him his summer vacation, his computer and all graduation money. I can not and will not allow him to think that doing just enough is good enough and he has to be ACCOUNTABLE for everything that he does.

Next, we have been preparing for my brother and his family to move. Hallelujah. They found a town house that was one hour away from me. Each day they encounter a new problem - more money, problem with the house, and more. My brother said "We should have choose something else". I discovered that they make a lot of decisions with out thinking them over. Now, they are being held accountable for it.

What did I learn - I will go the extra mile to be successful and to help anyone that is in need. I reflected on Matthew 5:41 However, the choices and decision that we make will have a never lasting impact on the things you do tomorrow. You also have to be ACCOUNTABLE for every action and decision that you make.

I Heard What You Said....

I can not believe that we are 2 weeks away from the end of the 2008-2009 school year. In summary, it was HELL. Man-child started off eager to finish the year and plan for high School. By October, the excitement was gone. I started my Mantra... "The grade you get now will have an impact on the high school you select. Keep your grades up". I must have said this everyday - did he listen - NO!!! In Thanksgiving, a student was killed at a school that is located next door to his school. Man-child shut down. He refused to do any school and refused to go to school for 4 days. Well... I began calling everyone, seeking help, counseling, therapy.. you name it, I took advantage of it. His response -"Just leave me ALONE". SIGH January brought a new attitude, but some spitefulness and I am still repeating my Mantra to him. By February, my brother and his family moved in (you'll have to revisit previous blogs from February) - OH BOY!!! Talk about DRAMA and FAMILY DRAMA at that.... I am still repeating my Mantra and seeking any type of help. By spring break, all of the top high school that he wanted to attend did not accept him because of his mediocre grades. DOUBLE SIGH At this point, I am praying 'cause I know now that somewhere I lost focused. PRAY ......PRAY.....PRAY

In the midst of all this drama, his principal calls me and says, "Man-child is extremely bright and I have to agree that maybe our school was not a challenge for him". I'm like -DUH!!!! He continued and stated that despite his grades, (and they were bad), Man-child scored in the top 5 percentile of all B'more city in the standardized test. He also qualified and passed with a score of 82% on the High School assessment test for Algebra I and English I. DUH again...

So, what does all of this mean? Man-child will be promoted to High School and it will be a school of my choice. He will also be place in an advance placement courses. When we sat down and went through everything that happened this year - his attitude, grades, etc. , he said "I heard what You said, I just wasn't listen"

When am I ever going to learn?!! Sigh

Annual Cleaning Of Man-Child's Room

This weekend, Man-child went camping with his scout troop. Hallelujah!!! We needed a break from each other. I made a list of all the things I wanted to do - movie, visit some friends, very LONG Bubble bath, sleep late, take a nap and go shopping. YEAH!!!! Needless to say, I didn't do any of them. I took the time to clean Man-child's room.

Mind you, before he left, he said he cleaned it. I've learned from past experience that my son is very creative in cleaning (remember the multiple sets of sheets on his bed) . I got all of my cleaning supplies and I was ready for combat.

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought. On the upside, I found his remote to the t.v. (he has been looking for that for a month), his house keys ( I had another set made), his calculator, computer flash drive, wireless remote to the computer and the case for MY cellphone. On the downside, I found 8 plastic water bottles, 3 soda cans, 6 forks, 2 spoons, one green sandwich, 2 letters from his teacher (addressed to me from March that I am not going to follow up on), and three bath towels (well that's a good thing compared to last year when I found a dozen). So I am thinking, NOT BAD!! I also took the time to go through his closet and purged clothes that he could not wear or have not worn. I found at least 4 pair of pants with tags still on them and a few shirts. (Made of list of things to buy for the summer -- Uggggg )

All in all, I was exhausted but it felt good. After I thought about it ... this was a piece of cake compared to last year. When he came home, he just Thanked me for finding all the lost goods and returned to ignoring me. Prayerfully, there will be a day when I won't have to clean his room.

By the way, I did take an extra LONG Bubble Bath. :-)