Sunday, February 8, 2009

Fig-uring Man-Child

Since the death of our friend Mike, Man-child has become this whole other person. He challenges me with EVERYTHING. He argues, he yells, he rolls his eyes, and a whole lot of other stuff that I have been trying to figure out. Every one said "he is just smelling himself", " he'll grow out of it", "boys are like that", and a lot other cliches that I hate. Yet, despite it all, I knew something was not the same with my son and I DO NOT LIKE IT. We tried the counseling thing with no success, and a couple of Elders from church even noticed that he was different and tried to talk to him. Man-child said "I am sick and tired of everyone talking to me. I just want to be left alone". With that I noticed that he wasn't going outside and spending time with his friends, he was becoming more secretive and spending more time on the computer. Of course I checked and double checked everything that he was doing. I DON'T LIKE IT.

Today, in church, our first lady, Min. Anita Phillips, who tends to set the church on fire, delivered a message that has been with me all day - well at least a part of it. She took us to Genesis 3:6 when Adam and Eve bit from the apple from the Tree of Knowledge and they realized that they were naked. They sewed together fig leaves to cover their nakedness. She went on to discuss the fig tree, a small fruit with huge leaves used to cover or hide truth or things that we do not want to see or deal with. Min. Anita talked about being fruitful and accepting change. She also reminded us that in order to move forward we have to see the vision, see what is ahead and to stop looking over our shoulders because we tend to lose focus and as a result we lose the blessing. She gave many references of the role of the fig tree and the leaves that tend to used to cover things.

So you ask, what did I get out of that lesson (which I am sure I paraphrased badly) and what is my point. Why am I trying to fig-ure out what is wrong with Man-child? Am I looking for a problem or am I trying to hide from the fact that my son is growing up. Am I covering up something that really isn't a problem at all? I fig-ured out what my problem was with Man-child. I lost FAITH. I saw something in my son and I became scared. Like Adam and Eve, I covered or masked my fear and flipped it all on Man-child. I wanted to Find a problem so that I coudl fix it - fix him. But he said it best " Nothing is wrong - I just want to be left alone". I went back and read all of the references First Lady gave regarding the Fig tree and how it has been used to cover and mask things. Yes, Man-child is argumentive and he challenges me but my son is growing and I think that this is his way of doing it since he does not have that male role model that he once had. I am so caught up in the who is was and not who is becoming - A Young Man. Yeah, it still scares me but I have to restore my FAITH in my son. I also have to keep a clear vision on what is ahead because I know that it will be AWESOME. I can not look back at who he was because he is no longer my little boy.


  1. Sister 'Cilla,
    the lost of Faith happens all the time, mostly because we as Black Women feel we can make everything happen...ironically my Pastor did a sermon yesterday about not worrying from Matthew and it was along the same lines...sometimes we buy things to worry about, other times we have to accept that there are some things we simply have to accept, like children growing up and away from is hard but him, and love him, tough, strong and fair...

    angelia, mama of two sons!

  2. Cilla -

    Yes, as you stated sometimes we worry so about our children and just want to keep fixing them and keep them safe from harm.

    And then there are times when lessons are placed in front of us and when we reflect on them, we start to see what was always before us but we were so concerned with finding a problem.

    And since you have raised man-child to think for himself then yes he will be inquisitve and challenging-- but you want him to be a leader and not a follower.

    Just keep remember all of the joy that he brings to you.

  3. Hey Cilla

    Great blog. Some things you said hit home about my daughter. So now I have to do some self reflection and find out does she really have problems. Or am I making a mountain out of nothing. Good food for thought.

    Stay peace and Man-Child's gonna be alright. Especially with you as momma.

  4. Hey Cilla,

    This parenting thing is so hard at times. As a mother of both a teenage daughter and son they both get into these same moods you described. I think it's hard as a parent to watch, because it is our nature to want to "fix it, to fix them." All we can do is pray, and know that we've directed them to all that is good.

  5. 'Cilla like you I raised my 3 children alone. Well actually I wasn't alone because God was there every step of the way. So I'll just say I was a single parent. :)

    Even so it was still challenging.

    My yongest is in college and will be 19 in 4 weeks. HE WAS MY CHALLENGE!

    But God was merciful! So he's still alive and I'm not in a jail cell!

    Trust God's guiding hand and your Mommy intuition.


  6. Thanks everyone... your support, encouragement and prayers are carried with me always. :-)

  7. Priscilla...what a great ephiphany!

  8. 'Cilla,

    I can't remember where or who said it, but they said sometimes we need to leave the child be. Stop allowing them to see that the things they do upsets you and causes a reaction. Once you allow them to seek out life for themselves they will change for them and not you. However, they remember all the things you taught them.

    In order for you to realize that man-child is going to make the right choices and grow up to be a wonderful man, you first have to have faith in yourself as a mother. And from what I can tell you have been doing a wonderful job.

  9. This is a great commentary on the trials and tribulations of parenting. Parenting does not comes with instruction; that is why we need to be in God's order. Yes, he has growing pains and you need to give him some room. But that said, you keep being the concerned, hands-on mother you have been and relying on HIM to keep you on the right path.

  10. Great blog Cilla!
    Also makes me reflect on my daughter, a teen.
    Thanks for sharing these experiences.


  11. Greta blog as always. I don't have any words of wisdom since I am not a parent but I'm sure he will be fine and everything will work itself out