Sunday, August 30, 2009

Reflection

I have been thinking all day about the upcoming school year. Man-child will be in HIGH SCHOOL. What an accomplishment - homework, arguments with teacher, christian school, projects - and that was just elementary school. Middle school was horrible - hormones, dealing with death, students being killed, gangs, bad grades, computer games and so much more. I wonder - AM I READY. REALLY READY!!

Most of last week, I spent doing what I've done at the beginning of every school year - search for a mentor, big brother or program suitable for Man-child. Raising him has been my greatest joy despite all of the headaches. Raising him without male guidance has been an even bigger challenge. I can not tell you how much I miss our friend Mike because he was always there when I never really realized that I needed him. Man-child took forever to get over his sudden death. I think back to the Million Man March and how thousands of men pledged to "be there" for their younger brothers. Well, let me tell you, it still ain't happening.

I have been to plenty of workshops for single moms. Everyone says "look at family members as role members". I have two cousins that Man-child adores but they are often too busy with their lives to spend that quality male time with him. Males in church have volunteered but that fell before it was even picked up. I have signed up for every program you can imagine. One big brother showed up once and then changed his number. I have had my sistah-friends from all across the country searching for programs and every program has failed. SIGH

I try to do my best but it's hard because after all, I am a MOM. I can't tell him men stuff though I try to go my best. As we went shopping, he was looking at Cologne and I asked him to pick out what he wanted. He backed away and said that's OK. When I picked out what I liked, said it smelled like flowers. I buy pants that fit with very little room but most teens wear them too baggy. How do we compromise? I don't like the constant arguments with Man-child. I know some of it is teen-age hormone and the rest is lack of male companionship. I look at my brothers and see how they could have been better men if they had the proper male guidance. There are plenty of single moms that have raised sons. I can imagine the tears they have shed to get them to where they are.

As I get ready for this new milestone in our lives, I will continue to PRAY for strength, guidance and patience. I LOVE HIM with all my HEART. I just hope that it is enough to Raise my Man-child.

12 comments:

  1. Cilla, how poignant. You & Man-Child will be fine. Not only because of your prayers but of all your sisters like me, who had to rear our sons alone too. Praying for you and Man-Child to have a successful year.

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  2. Wow, I sense yojur urgency in having a male influence in Man-child's life and you recognize the importance. This was a lovely piece. You both will be fine.

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  3. 'Cilla, As you know, you are my She-ro! Man-child will be fine because even though you say you are MOM. You are very strong and spiritual. Man-child knows that when no one else is there for him to talk to MOM will always be there to lend an ear. Stay strong and spiritual my sista. God is listening.

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  4. My prayers are with you and Man-Child and may God perfect that which concerneth both of you.

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  5. Oh, 'Cilla, what a beautiful post.

    I understand your uncertainty, but I'm confident your love is enough to help Man-child reach his potential. He sounds like a wonderful young man, and you're a great role model for him - man or woman.

    Wishing both of you the very, very best!

    Patricia

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  6. I'm sure everything will work itself out. Hope you find a program for him

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  7. Very nice post! I wish this could be posted where black men could read this so they could understand the wonderfulness of mentoring a young black male like Man-Child.
    But until then you are doing such a terrific job with Man-Child.
    Will keep you both in my prayers.

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  8. Amen Beverly. It should be posted elsewhere.

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  9. Thanks Everyone... :-)

    When I think of things like How to tie a tie, picking out colognes, deorderant, underwear and other man stuff, it can be a challenge. Heck, I remember how hard it was to explain an erection... Male influences/mentors are needed so much. I keep hope and faith Alive and press on !! :-)

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  10. 'Cilla you all ready got it. You have all the ingredients you need: prayer, patience, guidance, strength, and a whole lot of love in your heart. Your son will be a great man one day.

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  11. 'Cilla as for tying a tie, my mother taught my brother and my father was in the home. She would put that tie around her neck and do it up really nice. I can't tie one but she can. Those small little things are important, but if you need to teach him you will find a way to acquire the knowledge and share it with him.

    Keep the faith and keep praying.

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  12. JC.... the internet is a wonderful thing.. found instructions on youtube.. I am getting better :-)

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