Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. For me, it was just another day. It also brought a bit of sadness. First, I grew up without a dad and that is Okay. I had plenty of uncles who did things with my brothers and I; but, they were just my uncles. My father did not acknowledge me until I was about 12 years old and I would only see him once every year or so. I never called him dad and that was okay. He died on Mother's Day two-three years ago from Cancer.

I thought of Man-child. I can't describe his relationship with his dad. Since he was two years old, his dad picks him up on Friday, takes him to Burger King, then to visit his grandparents. They have never been to a ball game, the mall, a movie, had a sleep-over or what ever father and sons do. Though it angers the Heck out of me, I try to not to waste too much time on it because that is wasted energy. I need all the energy I can get to rise Man-child. Man-child called him tody to wish him Happy Father's Day and the conversation lasted 20 seconds. Secretly, I wish they had a better relationship but I've accepted it as it is.

Second, I listened, rather read, all of the banter on Face Book regarding Fathers and the lack thereof. There were shout outs for Dad, uncles and those who stand in for dads. There was yelling and angry agruments about good dads verus bad dad. Dead beat Dads and more. WOW!! I thought - how depressing and soo much wasted energy.

Third, I smiled when all of my Sistah Friends called or texted me to wish me Happy Father's Day. Afterall, as they all reminded me, I am doing double duty - Mom and Dad. Hmmmmmm..... They are right but it's not something that I am proud of. I never intended to be a single parent. After all these years, I am still not sure about it especially since I am raising a man child. There is so much that I can't teach him and that bothers and worries me alot. I look at my brothers who were also raised by single mom. I wonder how their lives could have been different if we had a dad around. Hmmmmmmm.....

Father's Day should be celebrated with the same Excitment as Mother's Day. I applaud All of the Fathers who are rising their children. I honor the part-time dads, the fill-in dads, the once-a-month dads, the dads that are incarcerated and try to be dads, the dads who want to but can't, and special accolades to All the MOMs, who effortlessly raise their children.

Father's Day will probably just be another day for me and that is okay. I have to be the best to raise my Man-child no matter what.


  1. Cilla, you are doing a fantastic job raising Man-Child. Make no mistake, you cannot be mom and dad. You can only be mom. You are raising him to be a responsible, ethical man who will make you (and us) proud.

    Even tho dad isn't stepping up the way you think proper, perhaps GF is providing a solid male relationship for MC.

  2. So proud of you Cilla. And as the book says: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." Not that it's a small thing that you're single-parenting a black male, but it's small stuff when compared to the obstacles you have and will overcome as a single parent rearing a black male. It ain't easy, but it'll all work out in the end.

  3. You can hold your head up knowing you have done all you can do to facilitate a relationship between son and father. You are there for him and he is being mentored and nurtured. I also applaud you for not falling into the bashing the father's day as I have seen so many women do. They expect to be applauded on that day same as Mother's Day. Evelyn said it best, you can only be mom. You are doing a great job.

  4. Excellent post and what they said !

  5. Hear hear to Ms. Ev for keeping it in perspective and 'Cilla I know you have strong faith and are a God-fearing woman so whatever God brings to you he will bring you through it. Keep up the good fight sis!

  6. Cilla, you must always hold your head up high and say with conviction that you did all you could and never bad mouthed his father to Manchild. THat is a mistake so many mothers make. It's a struggle, I know, especially with a boy child. But know "HE" is always watching and will lift you when needed.

  7. Thanks Everyone... I never believed in Bad-mouthing his dad 'cause after all, I picked him and it is what it is :-)

  8. As my mama always said, parents ultimately shape your life, even those that aren't "there". The not being there has just as big an impact on the showing up. And since being a parent is so much more than just the "showing up" or being there part...I'm so glad man-child has you! To show him what a parent should be. To love him through the lessons he will have to learn on his own. You are truly a blessing to him and my hat's off to ya on any day that celebrates being a parent.