Too many chiefs....

      I know you have heard the saying “too many chiefs, too little Indians”. Well, I learned the meaning of that the hard way.   Many people know that I help raise two nieces and two nephews. It was not an easy task to do.  Even though they lived with me and my mother majority of the time, they assumed they could live by their own rules.  Then, their parents, my brothers and their ex’s and other relatives, would add their two cents on how to raise them. It lead to confusion, frustration, and anger.  I was always called to “fix” everybody’s mess.   Eventually, I learned to just be quiet and step aside.

      My niece and her Rugrats have had to move back in with me.   They wear “Auntie Grandma” out in more ways than one. (Smile)   I am watching my niece, my mom and Man- child battle over how to raise them.  My niece and mom agree on just about everything but Man-child steps in and gives his opinion.  For instance, the kids like to come home from school, eat and watch TV.  Man-child said “Do your homework then you can eat and watch TV”.  My niece says “Well they need a break and they can get it done”.  Well, it doesn't get done and they are usually up at 7 pm trying to finish homework instead of going to bed.   My niece will allow the kids to eat snacks before dinner.  Man-child takes them and hides the snacks so they have to ask him for snacks.  It goes on and on. 

       I am often called to settle the arguments.  I have to tell Man-child that he can give his opinion but remember, he is not the parent.  He puffs his chest out and says “NO, they need to learn the right way or they won’t get it at all”.   I laugh at all them even though it drives me crazy.  The kids often look at their mom and Man-child and then come to me to tell them what to do.  I try to stay out of it.

     More than anything, it has made me look at Man-child in a different light – again.  I think where did he get it from?  I wonder “Is this how I treated him? Was I that bad?” Hmmmm…. It makes me wonder.  Then, it makes me raise my eyebrows at what kind of parent he is going to be – although he says he will never have kids after living with the Rugrats.   Laugh, laugh, laugh…how many times have I heard that one.  At any rate, after seeing him with the kids, I think he is going to be an awesome parent – PRAYFULLY, a long time from now.  

What I learned today

        WOW!! Thirty-three days of the New Year have already passed and it has been very exciting.  I celebrated my 50^th Birthday.  I did not want a lot of fan-fare.  I was extremely Happy and Excited with all the birthday wishes and a few surprises.

        The next big event occurred today.  Man-Child had to give a presentation at a PTA retreat.  He had to speak on his experience on the board as the Student representative. He stated that he did not realize how important parents and volunteers work to make sure that students get a good education.  Man-child stated that he learned a lot about rules, bylaws, funding and how much it cost to get an education.  He was asked “if you were CEO, what would you implement to make schools better for students"?   He stood there and thought for a few minutes then he said “there needs to be a better way for teachers to relate to students electronically.  I know that finding money to put computers in class rooms is hard but students are more in tune with computers and electronic and the old way of learning is not working and students are not paying attention”.   Everyone clapped and he just smiled.

    I cannot tell you how PROUD I was of Man child at that moment.  I was worried that he would not know what to say.  He proved me wrong.  I saw him in a different light today.  He really is not my little boy anymore and letting go is getting difficult for me to do.  He is a very knowledgeable young man. 

   I THANK GOD for Man-child.

        I THANK GOD for blessing me with one of his children to nurture and care for.

             I THANK GOD every day that I did not give up on him when things were rough.

                 I THANK GOD for All of my Sistah friends who supported and encouraged me during those rough times.

                         I THANK GOD!! 

Thankful

Today we celebrate the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  So much to be Thankful for .. so much to be grateful for.  A lot has happened within the first 15 days of the month:

1)  My niece and the Rugrats have moved back in.  She lost her job and was on the verge of being evicted.  She also acknowledged that she needed professional help and sort help.  Again my house is crowded and noisy but I am Thankful that I am here to help.
2)    I received a grade increase at work.  Thankful for employment.
3)   Man-child is maturing so much.  He volunteered to give his room to the Rugrats, he helps them with homework and he fixes me tea every evening.  Gotta love it :-)
4)  Man-child has also started to take the initiative to do things without having to be reminded; such as take out the garbage  and washing the dishes.  Now if I can get him to do his laundry and clean the room (I Know, I should just give it up)  Thankful
5)  I was featured Single Parent of the Month of January/February by I am Flying Solo  Thankful  and Honored  http://iamflyingsolo.com/

Each day, we have something to face.  Each day I am Thankful.

New Year- New Beginnings

2012 was a very busy year for me and Man-child.  So, what happened?

1) Man-child finished All of his high school course work early but I decided to let him stay his senior year instead of graduating early.
2) He surprised me and went to the Jr. Prom by himself
3) He was nominated and appointed Student Representative for the City Wide PTA Council and the Grandparents PTA Council.   He also went to the State wide PTA Convention.
4) I stepped out on faith and started graduate school in June
5) so far, Man-child has been excepted at 6 colleges.

Ok... looking at it doesn't seem like a lot but it really was. Man-child has matured so much.  Except - we still fight about his room (Smile)  As we move forward to 2013, we are looking forward to bigger and better things to come.  I can't wait to tell you all about them.

Happy New Year!!

Giving Thanks

Looking back on the year 2011, it has been interesting.  I struggled with caring for my brother, who was shot in February; taking a new job with a 12% pay cut, furlough days, threat of foreclosure on my house, babysitting for my niece EVERY weekend; and finally, losing my car.  Despite it all, I gave Thanks to The Creator; I am Grateful for what I was have; and  I have counted my Blessings as I managed to overcome it all and kept it moving.  Most of all I am Thankful and very Proud of my Man-child.

With everything I’ve had to endure, Man-child has quietly been my rock.  I remember coming home exhausted after visiting my brother and talking with doctors.  Man-child would rub my back and he always had a cup of tea waiting for me.  He never complained when I told him I could not afford a few dollars for a movie or game that he wanted.  He helps with my nieces’ kids, even though they get in his things.  We walks 6 blocks to the grocery store with me and he doesn't complain when we have extra bags to carry home.  He has even learned how to go to the grocery store by himself with a list and get everything I ask for (with a few things for himself on the side).  Man-child has learned how to go to the bank and make deposits into my account and how to pay bills.   He doesn't complain when I have him do things over and over again.  He has defiantly been my every thing.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into a mother of one of his friends.  I had not seen her or her son in at least 2 years.  When I asked her how her son was doing, she said he was in jail for beating a man over a cigarette.  We talked and I tried to be as encouraging as I could.  I wished her well and told her I would pray for her and her son.  As I walked home, I thought about Man-child and how Grateful and Blessed I am to have such a wonderful young man.   When I got in the house, I hugged and kissed him just because.

I don't know what 2012 has in store for us.  I continue to walk in Faith, count my Blessing and Give Thanks for my son. 

Controlling Temperatures

Fall has officially arrived.  I love the colors of the leaves and the cool temperature.  I am discovering that the cool temperature in the house is causing some problems for the Man-child and I. 

I love to open the windows and let the “air” in.  He says it’s too cold.  In trying to keep the cost of the electric bill down, I have not turned on the furnace and I generally keep the thermostat set to 68 degrees.  Since mid-October, Man-child walks around the house with his hoody jacket –zipped up to his neck.   For me it is not cold at all – but then I have been having periodic “private summers,” so I am unaware of when it is too cold.  Well, yesterday, I finally broke down and turned the furnace on because the thermostat read 62 degrees.  After half an hour, I was hot.  He was smiling.  After an hour, I turned on the ceiling fan.  He took off his jacket and was smiling even harder.  Man-child said “Ma, its only 68 degrees”.  Woo hoo - that was my signal to shut it down.  He huff and puffed and put his jacket on.  I had the ceiling fan blowing.

Who is right? It’s going to be a long winter.

Man-child's Hair

I have been wearing locs for close to ten years and in January, I decided to cut them.  As the temperature increased during the summer, I cut it close – practically bald.  Everyone complained or had something to say but I was happy and that’s all that mattered.

Since cutting my hair, I have notice Man-child’s strange hair care routine.   Man-child goes to the barber every two weeks for a haircut.  Whenever he gets a haircut, he stops in the beauty outlet store and buys a new hair brush and doo-rage for his head.  I never really paid this any attention until I went in his room to borrow a brush for my hair.  Man-child had at least 12 hair brushes on his night table – hard and soft brushes.  I asked “why do you needed so many”?   His response was they get old after a while.   Hmmmmm.   Next, I noticed all the different types of gels he has purchase –wave gel, moisture cream, green tea oil, jasmine oil, shea butter cream and a few others.   I asked “what’s up with all the gels?”  He said to help make his hair wavy.  Hmmmmmmm.   Next question – “why do you need all of these scarves for your head?”  His response, “they are not scarves, they are doo-rags to help me get waves".  I counted at least 15 in different colors.   Last question - “Well, why do you keep buying them? Can’t you just wash them out?”  (I think I insulted him with this one) He said very loudly, “Ma, you can’t wash them because they lose their shape and don’t fit right”.   I just backed out of his room and said no more. 

Man-child begins his morning by brushing his hair at least 30 times, he puts some cream or gel in his hands and rubs it in his hair and then he brushed it again at least 30 more times. After getting dress, he brushes his hair.   He eats breakfast and brushes his hair.  I watched him walk to the subway station and he did it again – took the brush from his pocket and brushed his hair.  Later that evening, I asked him to take Rosa for a walk.  There he was – holding the lease with Rosa in one hand and brushing his hair with the other.   After he took a shower, he stood in the mirror drying his head with the towel and the routine started all over again – gel and brushing.

I laughed out loud as I thought about his hair routine in comparison to what women do – rollers, scarves, gels, blow dryers, hair pins and who knows what else.  Since cutting my hair, I hardly think of it.  I get it cut every two- three weeks, brush it and go.  All I could think of is – What Next for Man-child  And Laugh.